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Corrupted Minds
Corrupted Minds The constant thump in my temple awakes me to fifth sense A rise to a long and white room with the burning of incense Suddenly look at my legs...dressed in a white, pressed robe Try moving but it's like I'm strapped to a table with fresh rope I guess what is a few hours later....... blurred my own vision The pure precision of what I know was a tranquilizer incision Now in a 4 wall room for what I record was 3 days when I break Haven’t even eaten, I just sit and wait as my brain degenerates As the side of the sealed metal door opens with a ray of light Grim voice speaks telling me to go to hall, I guess as an invite Rows of brain-dead people awaiting the message from captain I await my fate but eagerly look for ways of escape, trapped in He talks with a soft voice, with ideas that linger in one's mind Ideas intertwined with my mine, thoughts now gone or refined The letters along the membranes pumping blood into the brain Reversed and flipped into messages for our own mouths to say Last thought prevails,I see his face go blank, under his own spell Upon his own idea’s he dwelled, stand and watch his soul rebel Now an uncontrollable force which not the one himself can handle Falls to the floor, no wicker in his eyes, blown out like a candle *i'll post links in a second |
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Hmm.....Im Not Sure Your Imagery is Dope,Well Its All Dope But It Strays Off Flow A Bit....
Structure is good Keep it Like That Imagery Make's you feel as if your in it lol its good Vocab could be upped a lil but its good Hmm.......You Shud Say Fuck Text....................... .... Go To Audio...Its Doper :) |
erm thanks
uppin......:cool: |
Nice level of complexity, flow might have been bit better though but who cares bout that anyway...Vocab was on point, same goes for imagery and emotion. You stayed consistent with it throughout the entire piece in my opinion. Concept itself was nice as well, interesting to read.
Keep it up! |
I've seen this before. You drop it in Higher Thinking?
It's okay, but honestly, Walking on Water or The Iron Pile deserves OM of the Month a lot more than this. |
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