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Gods Pain
Positioning myself in the triumph of his finalised view
Aranging my life's long metaphore,but still unsure what to do acusations being made,but I solemly understand why to read the sripture of a enternal damnation's revealing lie Enter. many years have past thru time's of anguish and despair basically have reached A point in time,were I no longer care The love for your earth remained,but now extracted i tried to use natural disaster's,no tone human reacted My spin retracted relising I lost control of earth i can no longer live like a still born's dry bloodless birth I shall kamikaze myself,destroying all creation's this is the truth,how i will carry out eternal damnation tears enter my cheeks presence, I procced to pause I feel empty like like a coffin holding a eroded corpse couragously I attack god,explaining it isnt his right he told me "kid i dont have time to sleep at night.. .im continusily fixing the brainless problems created all for a fucking world,filled people that seemingly hate it Ive watched 5 yr old kastro's mold into the devils advocate Humans no longer slit wrist's, simply stab at it I see this all,someone thinking they alone, I witness it You need to be aware,the pain I feel kids submit it 20 BC I sacrafised for them,2000 I still daily feel the pain You gotta relise, there thoughts are mine, I cant conceal my brain -Ysd@- |
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Dang This Was Real Deep Nice Vocab Nice Emotion A Dope Idea And Nice Way To Follow Through With It
Im continusily fixing the brainless problems created all for a fucking world,filled people that seemingly hate it I Was Really Feeling This Bar Right Here Truth Spoken In This One |
damn nice key or w/e this si but I dont believe its a key but I believe this is good. nice solid imagery and emotion. storyline is fa sho on lock and kept me reading to see the outcome of what happened in the story. so overall I'm feelin this, just keep it up alright man.
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this shit confused tha fuck outta me, LOL, im not smart lik eu :cool:
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that shit wuz so true, i wuz all like "werd" wen i read it. structure wuz good, flow wuz good. seems mo of a poem type thang. BIG fucking werds, lol. there wuz emotion in it. good shit, seems like sumthin id print off and masturbate on :cool: werd |
Your act don’t tower and it lack the power want your
Rhymes to flame but don’t know man behind the name So DSM you having pain for grabbing these flames Cook your hand keep you shook man it also tames Brains look kid the sun is the source of light how can You force your sight to see inside? I don’t understand Have a blunder plan hell you must stay in wonderland You can’t be a chamber I have plenty fun when I shoots Like a twenty gun salute this major flavor blend with fruits |
This was pretty good Fams. Firstly, one thing I found lacking was multies... I for one find a piece more involved when they're abundant. Your flow was on point and just... your vocab precise (if not misspelled.. haha) Structure was sound. However, so much detail and history is stored up in this topic... a topic openly discussed and used alot. The brevity of your piece, in my eyes, might have come across better had you delved deeper into it, no what i'm sayin'?
Overall, this was a good read... my favorite lines were: "im continusily fixing the brainless problems created all for a fucking world,filled people that seemingly hate it" Excellant flow and you hit home with it precisely. "I shall kamikaze myself,destroying all creation's this is the truth,how i will carry out eternal damnation" For me, this line portrayed chaos in its most simplist form... and one reason why we have problems today in terms of religion and terrorism. Keep writin' fams. Uppin' the piece to the top of the Chryme List. |
damn man that was really dope, like the multis you had in a couple lines, very very good vocab man, and gladbad get the fuck out of here, anyway this was really a dope peice man, keep droping
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Thanks for the feed. This was proberly one of the quickest peices i wrote. Just trying to shake the dust.
thanks for those who nominated it Open mic of the month. |
this was thought provoking fam,. i enjoyed the read.
. this line seemed a bit off in the end thou The love for your earth remained,but now extracted i tried to use natural disaster's,no tone human reacted .....................................^^no human tone reacted i just feel thats the context you m,eant, the other way im not gettin that line... . but some serious quotables that i saw, for example.. . tears enter my cheeks presence, I procced to pause I feel empty like like a coffin holding a eroded corpse . Positioning myself in the triumph of his finalised view Aranging my life's long metaphore,but still unsure what to do . two best bars in my eyes, dope read... . rtf on my om....."times have changed" |
Thanks bro. Your correct about the word mix up. This was key'd at some fucking alarming speed.
Overall I proberly could of gone into alot more dpeth and been more story telling about things. But i mainly needed to write anything in a frutraiting moment. Ill get at your peice now. |
bump .
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Q: how provacative is this?
A: real provacative. word, i was feeling this, just because of the tone, and how you fulfilled writing it....i like how its dreary, yet half inspiring....truthful keep up beach :shoot: |
oh word, didn't see the title of this....
feeling it :o |
^lol, thanks dre kill :love:
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