Sick State
 

I Love Wales, Thugs Fail, with their Drug Tales, im just a Lone Crook
You aint a player your bitch got more chins than a chinese Phone Book
My Flow Is Complex, My Ho Is On Cess, to Cope With Abortion
Gat Or Two On My Bed, Tattoo On My Head, Approach With Caution
Substances surrond my cerebral as i pen another Ill Verse
Battle me? ok but make sure you sign your fucking Will First
Im on a quest to ask every bitch why their pussies have a Fishy Smell
Im knocking on my grandmothers door first so please Wish Me Well
Im a weed head but im handsome so i make being Stoned Look Iller
Everybody on this board better change numbers im a Phone Book Killer
Just pray to god i dont find you i'll leave you in an Eternal Coma
Some say im cartoonish ok then i'll go to springfield Burgle Homer
Simpson, cause im fiending for a doughnut and a Duff Beer
But shit i got Chief Wiggum chasing me cause i Snuff Queers
Yep im sad to say it but the criminal life is the life i Gotta Live
I beat people up more often than guardiands of Foster Kids
I despise everyone of them so my family i May Slaughter Mine
Im currently pushing samurai swords through Mail Order Brides
The walls that build up my patience are slowly Cracking Down
Ive never been to the Circus but i really enjoy Clapping Clowns
Listen to my songs in depth their is hardly No Jokes Mentioned
Im waiting outside the post office to rob the Old Folks Pension
Yep when im around any town you can watch Spitefull Actions Mount
Im irresponsible so yeah i let my kids stay at Michael Jacksons House
When im in the booth i show more rage than the Incredible Hulk
Skill like i posses is more hard to come by than Edible Cunt
I gotta be real i wear Shitty Draws, i do fuck Gritty Whores
Im in a Cold Jail, with No Bail i dont comply with City Laws
Im watching porn writing rhymes, shit now my Thought Lost
I just saw your mother getting her pussy ripped by Horse Cock
This is the end now yes im cocky but dope i'll leave every Whore Wet
But before that ima put on fatiques and scare the shit outta War Vets



Links:
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=215784
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=215816

How about some feed?

This piece in my opinion was pretty good, vocab was nice so the multies were cool too. Structure to me seemed fine and for me it flowed pretty well. By the way my favorite line was: "I beat people up more often than guardians of Foster Kids". I thought that was dope and funny at the same time. Good drop man, keep it up. 8/10. Peace.

this is pretty cool on point thru the whole thing exept that part where u said more chins than a chinese phonebook that's played out, 8th graders tell that as jokes

Appreciate the feed, how about some more feed on this piece this site aint very active.

I Love Wales, Thugs Fail, with their Drug Tales, im just a Lone Crook
You aint a player your bitch got more chins than a chinese Phone Book
-Nice, good flow, nice rhymes, good punchline there. Heard it a million times but good still.
My Flow Is Complex, My Ho Is On Cess, to Cope With Abortion
Gat Or Two On My Bed, Tattoo On My Head, Approach With Caution
Substances surrond my cerebral as i pen another Ill Verse
Battle me? ok but make sure you sign your fucking Will First
-Tasty tasty here. 4 nice lines. I really like the "sign your fuckin will first" -bnang on there with that. Ya flow is good again and the ryming is spot on.
Im on a quest to ask every bitch why their pussies have a Fishy Smell
Im knocking on my grandmothers door first so please Wish Me Well
Im a weed head but im handsome so i make being Stoned Look Iller
Everybody on this board better change numbers im a Phone Book Killer
-lovely metaphor, good rhymning again and nice punchline. You have serious talent for this. And your a Uk dweller too which i very much like. -pussies having a fishy smell. -dont we know it!
Just pray to god i dont find you i'll leave you in an Eternal Coma
Some say im cartoonish ok then i'll go to springfield Burgle Homer
Simpson, cause im fiending for a doughnut and a Duff Beer
But shit i got Chief Wiggum chasing me cause i Snuff Queers
-ha ha ha, loving every minute of this. Good punches here and nice use of simpsons, something everyone knows abput
Yep im sad to say it but the criminal life is the life i Gotta Live
I beat people up more often than guardiands of Foster Kids
I despise everyone of them so my family i May Slaughter Mine
Im currently pushing samurai swords through Mail Order Brides
one thing im really liking here with you is your topic range. Its different, original and amusing. Again, nice flow and rhymes
The walls that build up my patience are slowly Cracking Down
Ive never been to the Circus but i really enjoy Clapping Clowns
Listen to my songs in depth their is hardly No Jokes Mentioned
Im waiting outside the post office to rob the Old Folks Pension
-sweet as a nut here again. "enjoy clapping clown" -great metaphor, amusing, interesting. Your like a breath of fresh air.
Yep when im around any town you can watch Spitefull Actions Mount
Im irresponsible so yeah i let my kids stay at Michael Jacksons House
When im in the booth i show more rage than the Incredible Hulk
Skill like i posses is more hard to come by than Edible Cunt
-dont know wat else to say. i enjoy your consistency. No part of this has let you down, the metaphor use is good and you used that michael jackson line well.
I gotta be real i wear Shitty Draws, i do fuck Gritty Whores
Im in a Cold Jail, with No Bail i dont comply with City Laws
Im watching porn writing rhymes, shit now my Thought Lost
I just saw your mother getting her pussy ripped by Horse Cock
-ha ha, "gritty whores", "city laws" lovely. I want to hook up with you for a few collabs or something. -Definately. you got skill and i like your work.
This is the end now yes im cocky but dope i'll leave every Whore Wet
But before that ima put on fatiques and scare the shit outta War Vets
nice again, good closer, there was no topic other than self-glorifcation, altho that isnt a bad thing as i think this is your first open mic so that is usually the way. Altho most peeps's first verses are not as good as this. I can see you've obviously elvated at your game on another site but im gald your here. Cos i really want you to be in our crew, Gods Of War. -We are an up-and-comin crew who help each other out a lot and use each other to progress our skills. I want someone like you cos you can be like a secret weapon.

Cheers Bruv thats what i call feedback lol.
I like when people read into my rhymes and actually realise im saying some deep shit, twisted yes but deep if you get it. Ive been writing rhymes for exactly 5 years now. When i started i was ok but i just kept writing experimenting with the flow. Now my rhymes are dope so i appreciate that you like my verses.
Ive only just now got access to recording so hopefully i'll have a demo done by the beggining of the new year. I need to do something with my rhymes now, im 22 and ive been doing factory work for the last 7 years and you know minimum wage is a fucking bitch so im taking my rhymes serious now. Cheers for the feed a lot of people like to hate cause they cant do what i do. Plus this aint the best i can do lol.

i dont doubt for aminute you can do better i see the potential.

Where in wales you from?

I was there a few wks ago in cardiff to see Lee Evans, my aunty and cousin live in cardiff too. I like cardiff its dope :thumbup:

went to a student club wen i was there too. Had a good time :laugh:

Put it this way you wouldnt wanna live here lol.
If you wanna collabo just pm a topic and i'll see what i can do with it but i'll have to pm you my verse then you can put it up on here cause im not an expert when it comes to the net. Im an expert when it comes to Booze, pubs and the bitches though lol.

he he, your like me i think. im sure as much of an expert you are, i could teach you a few things :evilgrin:
Il pm you wen i get a chcnce. Prob 2moro, no rush tho. This will be good i think

and if you think about hooking up with a crew on here, let me know

Okay a bit more feed on this.

"Simpson, cause im fiending for a doughnut and a Duff Beer
But shit i got Chief Wiggum chasing me cause i Snuff Queers"

Whoa lol, that is some humor for ya lol. I'm feelin this shit.

Thanks for the feeback on this, uppin.

Uppin Uppin Uppin.