Runnin'

I rip fast quick dodgin thru crowds get my hip past
then i hit to class runnin and clip someones kit glass
knockin down test tubes they comin to arrest fools
i used the best tools but was still caught with less rules
police bargin in but they were slippin up like margarine
locked the door with rocks and oars and heard "target in"
they blasted in i duck out the bedroom window flyin
into the alley with babies cryin and fiends low supplyin
dont kno where im going but im kno im flowin fluently
people slowin me down push 'em like its either u or me
police poppin up everywhere like agents in the matrix
cease locking doors many watchin while the day flips
5:06 people turnin on thier tvs to watch some flix
but CNN comes with breakin news and a dumb chick
reportin:

"A male african american has led police on a chase
they're movin at a fast pace in which he will catch a case
if he doesnt give up then they will have him locked down
cops now are using helicopters to stop this madness now
told by a few people that this has been going on 3 hours
i see this kid is not a coward and has so much free power
i dont understand why he is doing this but he will ruin this
if he stops and gets arrested many will be through with this
this is Susan Rightlist reportin for CNN now heres a kiss"

Now back to the story still runnin fast past like im sonic
tryin not to crash dodgin the blasts shits kinda ironic
cuz im runnin faster than track teams and i never joined
robbed the bank and money stack seems like its conjoined
i realize that i didnt steal that much cuz these are glued
fake shits the weight seems real but still i was screwed
now its time to elude i knew this dude and he owed me
he was eatin food i said change clothes and dont slow me
he kept askin why and i would reply with u'll see soon
step out dressed in a suit and briefcase and fled the room
police came like typhoons got my man under a blue moon
put glasses on and i look back mouthing i'll see u soon
i go to the subway and daydream like my brain's stoned
i get on, then put my head back, and take the train home

links comin soon.........

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2556096

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2556114

interal rhyme'n was commendable.............very impressed
nice story line and vocab...........you didn't over do it and the rhyme scheme
was very impressive......dope drop

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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer

I thought this was good, the concept was cool a good original story.
Story pieces are the hardest to write cause you gotta keep the story fluent so the reader doesnt get bored so i think you did a real good job with the story.
The vocab was perfect for the piece it wasnt too complex so the piece was easy to follow and understand. You told it from a few perspectives but you still kept it a focused piece which was cool. The imagery was solid i liked the track team line that stood out to me. The flow was nice i saw the multies but you got a bit inconsistant with the flow in some of the bars so id say keep the flow consistant in every bar it adds complexity to your writtens. Good Piece.
Return the feed on my om 'Sick State':
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=215827

Left feed on Sick State. Thanks for the feed ya'll uppin for more...

uppin................

uppin............

this was sick...multi's nice story good description you would be a beast on audio...That is if you can spit

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yea im tryin to get into audio but i dont have any equipment right now

damn! ur story is crazy...... and that flow with the compound rhyming was crazy..... props to u playa...

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"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..."
-Konchance

my poetry:
untitled

thanks man, like i told u i put more time into this one.

yea kidd, that was a nice story, like homboy Mc says that would be tight on some audio shit. when u do get that equipment hit me up with a link, killer fool.

Thanks for the feed man

yeah, this wasn't bad...except for the lone fact, that you kinda had some whack lines in there, and the story was a little eh, if you know what i mean....some cool lines, but i think just the enjoyment level was kinda abrupted by lines like this

i see this kid is not a coward and has so much free power
this is Susan Rightlist reportin for CNN now heres a kiss"

i think it was mainly the middle verse, because news reporters don't talk like that, lmao

cuz im runnin faster than track teams and i never joined

i liked that line, word, keep writing and you should have some serious potential, word up

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