|
My Clouded Mind - Aimez
My Clouded Mind Worries, Troubles, Heart Aches and Pain All of These subject define my brain The feeling of depression driving me insane The positive outlook on life I cannot attain For demented and satanical thoughts cloud my brain. - Oh My clouded mind Sometimes my mind is also kind. To let the good and perfect thoughts rewind The heavenly hendurances that I try to find As I cannot see God But I can hear, As so can the blind. - oh My Clouded mind I Have much hope yet I hold little faith These pesamistic thoughts need to escape I need to find my place in the race For I am loosing and I feel no pity but disgrace -Oh my clouded mind Can divide, and add minutes of time And It can find the multiplicative inverse of 79. and It can learn new tricks and talents of the human kind Nut it cannot help me with my Test through life, oh it's a crime To have such a clouded mind By Aimez Please Nominate as Best Poetic Scripture of the Month :thumbup: |
|
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,uppin......... ........
|
love the poemhad alot of meaning.............. well done almost like a pro u know? lol
Great job thou......................... GK |
Oh Thanx Man ,,,,,,,,mmmmmmmmmmmm
Forgot I Had this open Any more replies? |
Nice peice.
The repetition was a nice technique to add. Structure was cool, and rhyme scheme was dope. The positive outlook on life I cannot attain For demented and satanical thoughts cloud my brain Those were my favourite lines. First stanza grabbed my attention nicely. Dope peice man. |
Quote:
hmmm.... nice piece..... i agree that the repetition was a nice touch, but this is one of those times when the rhyme is not neccesarily needed..... good piece that could be great if u don't let the rhyme scheme control u.... nice piece overall, i enjoyed it, keep writin playa..... |
PM me with two links to have this re-opend
P.S. this is no where near ready for PS of the month. |
.
. . . . . . . *Closed* |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:09 PM. |