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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
11-29-05, 08:11 PM
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#1
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Please excuse My Sickness
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My Clouded Mind - Aimez
IP: 28AD 5545
My Clouded Mind Worries, Troubles, Heart Aches and Pain All of These subject define my brain The feeling of depression driving me insane The positive outlook on life I cannot attain For demented and satanical thoughts cloud my brain. - Oh My clouded mind Sometimes my mind is also kind. To let the good and perfect thoughts rewind The heavenly hendurances that I try to find As I cannot see God But I can hear, As so can the blind. - oh My Clouded mind I Have much hope yet I hold little faith These pesamistic thoughts need to escape I need to find my place in the race For I am loosing and I feel no pity but disgrace -Oh my clouded mind Can divide, and add minutes of time And It can find the multiplicative inverse of 79. and It can learn new tricks and talents of the human kind Nut it cannot help me with my Test through life, oh it's a crime To have such a clouded mind By Aimez Please Nominate as Best Poetic Scripture of the Month 
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11-29-05, 08:13 PM
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#2
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Please excuse My Sickness
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IP: 28AD 5545
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11-30-05, 09:32 AM
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#3
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Please excuse My Sickness
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IP: 936B 8EF6
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,uppin......... ........
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12-01-05, 10:28 PM
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#4
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New to RV
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IP: 9523 808A
love the poemhad alot of meaning.............. well done almost like a pro u know? lol
Great job thou......................... GK |
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12-22-05, 02:05 PM
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#5
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Please excuse My Sickness
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IP: 3240 794D
Oh Thanx Man ,,,,,,,,mmmmmmmmmmmm
Forgot I Had this open Any more replies?
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12-26-05, 01:05 PM
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#6
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Banned: Biting
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IP: AC41 C306
Nice peice.
The repetition was a nice technique to add. Structure was cool, and rhyme scheme was dope. The positive outlook on life I cannot attain For demented and satanical thoughts cloud my brain Those were my favourite lines. First stanza grabbed my attention nicely. Dope peice man. |
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12-30-05, 07:06 PM
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#7
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pain is weakness leaving the body
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IP: 1152 1C7A
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hmmm.... nice piece..... i agree that the repetition was a nice touch, but this is one of those times when the rhyme is not neccesarily needed..... good piece that could be great if u don't let the rhyme scheme control u.... nice piece overall, i enjoyed it, keep writin playa.....
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 "I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..." -Konchance my poetry: untitled |
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12-31-05, 04:50 PM
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#8
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1926
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IP: 28AD 5545
PM me with two links to have this re-opend
P.S. this is no where near ready for PS of the month. |
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12-31-05, 04:50 PM
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#9
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1926
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IP: 28AD 5545
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. . . . . . . *Closed* |
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