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--Look Out--
Pulled by a horse drawn carriage, the lone gladiator stood tall
Horses were kickin and sneering, as the cheering crowds applauds Hes the celestial son, like a torch, he lifts the mic up into the air Drawing energy with a gravitational pull as emcees cop his debonair He's charismatic and earthly, ladies are drawn to his charm Fellas like his explosiveness, as he kills with the swing of his arm He'll break the necks of opposition, as they twist in a vortex of rhyme But hes warm in the heart in spite of his bloodshot fire-ry eyes His fingers are worn and calloused from wielding his mic flippin tricks However hes cool and calculated, ready to decimate at his finger tips Turning bitch after each single bitch, slaying cats as they slip and trip As they fall, they’ll get slit with a verbal barrage and die at a blood drip Stripping emcees lives, the crowd responds to his acts with roaring thunder He’ll cast aside no one as he’ll battle each man and send him asunder There he is once again, still in the middle of the arena as the wind blows Swirling the dust around him, crawling up his legs like mini tornados Fleshed in armor, the valiant gladiator will face his deadliest opponent His tongue is sharper than ever, his cleverness wets itself to become potent His head is bent down, as he reaches for his most powerful oral assaults To earn heavens crown, he needs to destroy the king of orderly exalt The guards bring in his opponent, draped in a sheet, now he holds no bounds They let him out and set him directly facing the Champ, let out the hounds They pull back the sheet, now he stares at himself in front of a mirror There is no one in the game, that this heroic cat could ever fear more He said look out the champ is back hold your breath and bite your tongue Sit down and shut up, he will annihilate everyone with his spoken guns |
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nice piece.....
imagery n vocab was good, but it doesnt really go anywhere seems to be just describing a person would be a lot better with more multis and rhymes inside of the lines i like the ending, with the opponent he fears being himself RTF to the link in my sig, thx :thumbup: |
thx fo tha feed uppin
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i agree nice piece i liked the imagery. the vocab was nice and baiscally everything was on point just like homeboy said should've put more meaning behind it rather describing but it was good nonetheless...keep up ma hit me up on my new shit rtf ty peace
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Nice Imagery On This....Good Description From the Very Beginning.....Opener Seemed Like Gladiator...lol.....Nice Rhyming And Good Topic....Overall Nice Job....RTF Nena....
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nena?................
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lol, forget about it.....it's something hispanic......
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Word up nice drop i was really feeling it your structure was on point you had nice imagery , and good feeling i was really feeling your wordplay and vocab usuage you had a very nice and creative concept i was really feeling this drop keep it up.
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for teh most part this was decently worded with well thought out symatery between lines... though a line here and a line there were awardly worded... this was a decent read with good imagery... you painted the picture of what was going on with ease... You also had a really good use of vocabulary... with that being said there was nothing in this that really stands out... no over whelming bars, or amazing lines... solid... but not blazing piece...
*Vanishes* |
Nice Piece Black....Good Imagery, Nice Vocab, Ya Structure Was On Point, Da Topic Was Da Shit.! So Keep Up Da Good Work. N RTF On My New OM "Dreamin Of Reality"....1
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This was real good. The way you illustrated the similies and metaphors in this and compared it to a gladiator. This is a very difficult thing to do, write about something and compare it to something using mainly metas, so, props for that. I thought that everything else was fine, shorter bars coulda made for a more appealing read but i still enjoyed it lots. nice job.
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=220459 |
I was feeling this nice twist at the end,. good imagery, I felt u could have
gone more indepth and more emotional at the end,... But it was a nice drop, flow was good, good use of vocab, used some nice words in there like vortex and debonair nice.. the rhyming could have been a lilttle more conplex but thats cool. decent emotions could have gone a little more deep. Overall really nice drop stay up 1~ |
thx fo tha feed ppl ill Return those favors when i get a chance uppin
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Hey Black Queen..long time no see huh? :)
LoL Aight.. I felt the concept of this was original.That was the best thing about it. Some lines could have been a bit shorter..but,meh. I think,for the most part..it was good. But at times,it appeared as though you forced some rhymes. Some of your rhyming was a little weird to be honest. ie-Mirror-Fear more?.. Ain't feeling that.You'd have to accent way to heavy to pull that off. Yeah. 1 |
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