mortal kombat(raw killa the dark side)
 

-verse1-

i start a rhyme,wit multiple lines that kill words like multalities,
brutally murder the flow in multiple sections like brutalities,
launch multiple murderous punches that kill singles like fatalities//

i freeze the hands of time wit a flow so cold like sub-zero,
with so much evil enveloping my spirit i condemn the hero//

raising hell swinging spears,collapsing spheres,
scorpion type heating up the atmosphere,
first i disappear,and with an army reappear,
im comin with the whole outworld when i appear//

a demon? fuck that im the devil in disguise,
word 2 wise,i dream of your demise,
want a piece of my devils pie,here choke n die,
cuz like shang tsung im takin ur soul its mine,
then shape shift into a poisonous spliff,
implode in ya ribs n make ya veins explode out ya wrist,
transform into that which you dispise,
and like johnny cage rip your torso from ya thighs//

-hook-

this is mortal kombat raw killa the dark side,
this is mortal kombat where armies collide,
finish him,who will win good or evil..........
...........finish him only the gods will decide//

-verse2-

"shaolin monks stand up prepare for war,
liu kang and kung lao wuts ya report,"-raiden
"the outworld coming from all shores,"-liu kang
"sonya blade's been captured,"-kung lao
"and the monks are bein tortured,"-liu kang
"barakka's tarraka army leavin a deadly score!"-kung lao//

rise earth champions go on a journey 2 defeat shao kahn,
grab ya dual-weapons,2 & 1 handed blades,
go rescue sonya blade,and put a stop 2 this evil mascarade,
free the outword slaves,and wield ya escrima blades..........
.............................................."were comin Shao Kahn"//

soldiers test ya might with many trials and tribulation,
shaolin warriors enter the outworld portals wit caution,
survive and defeat the enemy cuz death isnt an option,
there's a deadly alliance and story full of kung fu action//

defeat jade & milenna to disperse the spell on kitana,
"FINISH HIM" stab jade wit milenna's dual katana's//

ya next competitor spits wit a venomous acid,
da dead forest rivers run free wit hydrocloric acid,
kill reptile make him choke on his own amino acid,
the story unfolds as the flow is perfected&mastered//

who's next on my murderous list,
to feel the wrath of my shaolin fist,
shang tsung running around pissed,
straight actin a fool like ludacris//

destroy the soul tombs,
leave the dead in catacombs,
flash the chrome dual katana
wipe out an army of taraka,
n puncture 2 swords in baraka//

slauhter goro and melt scorpions reign,
these muthafuckas gonna feel my pain,
a warrior stuck in the midst of rain,
mortal kombat music for da videogame//

first contestant shang tsung in the final battle,
snap this bitches neck and give his brain a rattle//

next in line four arms of of strength kintaro,
rip him limb from limp finish him worse than goro,
borrow his head toss it 2 kahn,muthafucka its on,
play u like a pawn in dis game,of pain n sorrow//

interlude

finish him this is mortal kombat,
finish him this is lyrical kombat,
finish him,finish him,finish him,
to be continued.....FINISH HIM! :shocked:

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=220459

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=219769

there's my two links now brin fourth the feed peace

comin rv give me sum feed on this uppin this drop holla 1

Returning the feed.


This is ok, I personally wasnt really feeling the topic, (street fighter fan addict) but your rhymes are ok, flow is reasonable, I could spit it and it would work well together.

Get rid of // just looks gay bro. Yoru structure is kinda mixed up, you have alot of paragraphs but just a few verses, so try keep each verse solid together in each paragraph.

rhymes could be a lot better, could fo come thru with more emotion and more imagery, try keeping your bar lengths even syllable counts. You start off with roughly 12 syllable bar then switch up to 5 or 6 syllable bars.
Keeping syllable length will basicall make it "text flow" better, and also have a better presentation, seen as this is a text peice, the way it looks comes into play.


Anyway, ok drop, not the best, not the worst.

keep dropping.

ya it s ok just keep doing your thing thing, and you elevate

i was feeling some of your flow but you can do better i think,

keep it up :D

I liked this fam,... I felt the the verse flowed well as a whole,.. pretty
decent vocab, could of had more emotions... did't really like the concept
but the first verse was nice it kind of fell off a little bit after that..

And what Y said about the syllable count u should look in to that coz it
would make the flow a lot more fluid.

Nice verse fams stay up and keep writing.

1~

alrighty alikka, i saw this piece awhile back and never got around 2 writing my feed. but i thought i was pretty good. nuttin really special. nice rhymes ok flow. had plunty of multys.
but i thought u could have done a lil better and made it with some feelings(emotions and such, anger hate love etc.)
but besides that it was good.
keep it up kid. and check out some of my freestyles.

for the haterz.
life.
lonely at night.

S to the Z.

eh, my opinion, the whole thing was a little silly, i could see it being good if you did it as a joke, but the starting seemed serious, then it was just talking about video games the rest of the way, sorry dude.......still not bad, and you're elevating, which is good, just try and expand on your thoughts a little, use better wording, mix up the vocab, i'm not saying use MORE vocab, i'm just saying mix it up, you know what i'm saying? yeah, but not bad, keep up

finally i get sum replies w/o hate behind them thanx for the feed...i dunno wut really inspired me to write this other than the fact i am and always have been a mortal kombat fan...y's i liked street fighter 2 but was more into mk simply cuz of the blood/gore and being able 2 finish ur opponet...scanz ive left feed on a couple of ur drops i believe u pretty kool jus keep doin ya thing.but to those of u who have played mk:shoalin monks you'd see i stayed consistent wit the story line behind the came from start 2 finish...i guess i jus basically did it 4 fun i guess but thanx again for the feed w/o prejudice holla back n peace...and oh fuck all the real hataz

hmm well u kno im damn sure not a text-emcee anymore but i do know a lil bit about it....all u realli need to do is work on ur Construction and ur Actual meaning of words ahahah dont put a word somewere just kuzz it rhymes...bad idea....keep workin on it and u'll do fine

Okay... I don't sugar coat anything.

This wasn't very good.

Get rid of the //'s to start with. It looks horrible. Also, try to not rhyme the same word in three lines (acid). Although it was better than what I expected, you have some serious issues in not only your structure, but in your all around. Everyone before me has pretty much pointed out everything else.

3/10

ayt NOK and robby il take note of that....either way this wasnt my best piece just sumtin i did for fun but thanx 4 the feed ya'll