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-   -   An Over-Due Book. (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=221981)

Ion W. Yuu 02-12-06 02:41 PM

An Over-Due Book.
 
An Over-Due Book

Sunday
8:12 A.M.


Woken Up, Dog Liking My Face, Hair Standing From My Neck To My Shins
I Hear My Alarm Clock Beeping From Hours Ago, “Oh My God I Slept In!!!”
Rushing Around The House, Screaming With Horror, “I Cant Find My Shoe!!!”
I Need A Miracle, I Cant Even Drive, And In 12 Minutes The Books Will Be Due

8:19 A.M.

Its Getting Frantic, This Bad Day Was Leaving Me Visions, Leaving My Memory Scary
~Flash-Back~
I Was In 1st Grade, I Was Hiding In The Shade, With My Hand On A Sharp Weapon
Swinging For My Life, A Sharp Knife, My Brother Said Its There Fault For Stepping
-Reality-
I’m Running Towards A Dead End, I Think I Remember A Short Cut, To The Library
Shooing Down The Street, Feeling Nauseous, My Mom Was Right I Needed To Eat
But
This Wasn’t The Time, I’ve Been Saving Up, So This Hunger I Was Going To Defeat

8:27
At The Check-In Counter, Preppy Chick There, Just To Think She Had A Hyundai
All This Work Finally Pays Off, I Give Her The Books She Says,
“Finally You’re Not Late, Good Job,” I Say “What?” She Says “The Books Are Due Monday”

8:30
Why Would I Do This?……How Could I Not Pay Attention
I Should Of Remembered I Called And Got An Extension

Walks Out Of Library
.
.
.
BOOM!!!
.
.
.
Ends Misery

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...78&page=3&pp=15

Kawn Flixx 02-12-06 04:55 PM

Drop two links or this will be closed

Ion W. Yuu 02-12-06 05:07 PM

Oopsy Daisy. 1 Minute.

Ion W. Yuu 02-12-06 05:19 PM

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2654290

Cannabarz™ 02-12-06 07:10 PM

Pretty good concept, the flow was there... had some good heres and theres with the multies, good emotion... pretty good piece overall fam. Liked this.

Dervla 02-12-06 09:49 PM

Ok short drop. I wasn't feeling it, you should've add more details and this would've been good along with your imaginary skillz, plus your concept wasn't that much appealing, next time be more creative. The flow was cool, the content was cool, i would advise you took work on creativity, imaginary a lil bit and emotions, this was good but needs improvement...chio.


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