Tears Of Ink
 

Shedding Tears While My Tortured Emotions Get Twisted
Coroding My Visions Ever Since My Life's Devotion Evicted
The Shear Agony Of Constricting Due To The Fear Stabbin Me
I'm A Mear Apothy Of A Dim Light Floating From Near Gravity
Shadows Dwell In My Vaines As My Eyelids Close To A Fade
Supposed To Be Brave But Lonelyless Brings Me Close In A Grave
Followed By A Shadow Of Burdains For The Connection Was Lost
Paddlin A Shallow, Rapid River Ever Since Our Affection Was Tossed
Feelings Swirling, Twirled In A Hurrican Of Converted Emotions
Burdained And Curvin To A Asserted Destiny Of Detiriorated Devotion
For The Moon Reflects In My Sight, While I Soon Eject From A Flight
High, In A Passion, Reset In A Fight To Detect The Love As The Might
In A Everlasting Journey, I'm Set In The Truth Of The Situation
Clowds Gather In My Toughts To Bring Rain Of Insicurity And Accusations
For I'm Built Strong, Heart Pounding When I Hear That Voice
Like A Bird's Song, Chirpin, Workin To Regain The Feel Of Rejoice
So I Drop Tears Of Ink As The Days Grow Old And Wither With Time
A Sinner For Love, Lost In The Midst Of Emotion...
......While My Thoughts Drift Behind.


http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2665111

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DOPE....9.9/10...It wouldve been a ten outta ten but i think 9.9 lookz cooler...lol...Everything was there, Vocab was great, Multies were there flow was on point structure wasnt TOO off but it was off a little bit but nothing major...Overrall a great piece, im feelin it man..keep it up...word...1

Cmon ppl this is a dope ass piece, ya'll need to start leaving feed on it!!!!!...word...1

lol, thanks for the feedback homie........

Supposed To Be Brave But Lonelyless Brings Me Close In A Grave


Lol @ how ill this was, makes me wanna close this out of anger.

You had good vocab and a multi rhyme scheme with lines that actually made sense.
Veeeeeery MC like. I loved it freal.

Nice shit, mines was better though btw.
Join the council, seriously.

lol, thanks for the feedback homie, yo hit me up on aim or msn.......and you need to stay quiet, don't feed lies to these kids by tellin them yours was better

*deletes thread*

Time to figure out who's the boss around here, chump.

lmao........*punches indepth how earlier had the name gay*

hey braw it was on point if i was actually into it i would give it a 9/10 but it didn't really spark my flame but there was some hot verses theat set the trck on fire keep it up and i'll see you on mtv 2 hommie

lol, aight homie........thanks for the feedback

It was good an shit. Vocab was good an shit. Verse was good an shit. Was on point an shit. 8/10 an shit. :thumbup:

and shit.......lol....thanks for the feedback homie...

I thought this was good...
The only downfall may have been your complexity. I felt that it may have been almost too complex and I found myself getting lost or having to re-read a line or two. The internals and flow were great, like they usually are when you write, I was feeling the ending most:

So I Drop Tears Of Ink As The Days Grow Old And Wither With Time
A Sinner For Love, Lost In The Midst Of Emotion...
......While My Thoughts Drift Behind.

^by far your best lines... also, dont capitalize every single word, its annoying like balls... good work on this piece though.


http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=222930

thanks for the feed homie.................

This was real nice, loving the multies and internal rhyming in this especially, Very well done. Only problem i got with it is that it felt a lil to complex at times, but other than that it was all good. My favorite bar was definitely the ending:

So I Drop Tears Of Ink As The Days Grow Old And Wither With Time
A Sinner For Love, Lost In The Midst Of Emotion...
......While My Thoughts Drift Behind

^^That was a good way to end it, in my opinion. Nice job man, keep it up.