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"Dark, Dirty, Damaged, and Unfinished"
the night is young
the moon is full and my tears dry apon my cheeks the street lights flicker the wind it howls and my shoe's ware down from concrete the smell is fresh the pain is real as my blood seeps into my shirt the hunger quivers the weakness stills and the shadows have begun to lerk these eyes shall wonder these hands will shake and will continue untill replinished the story unfolds the path is taken but this poem I fear to finish |
Pm me two links to have this reopened.
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I really liked this.. very original and havent seen anything really like this on here.. the emotion was good could have been a little more solid but the imagery made up for the lack of emotion in parts.. your vocab was average and i liked your choice of short lines and stanzas.. very nice..
RTF on one of my piece either "Oppertunity Knocks" or "A Forgotten Tune" |
this was either extremely clever..or sell outish....
because i got to 2n to last stanza..and i was like..."this can't possibly be finished within one more stanza...he needs another 10 stanzas....but in the last sentence..you showed that..that's the point...the great part about this is..it works.....because...if you finish it....well....we all know what your story telling was good, i got a good grasp of what was happening...and that's always good..however..your imagery was pretty vague....and emotionally..i didn't sense anything behind...so for what it had in concept, and idea, you lack in imagery and emotion now...i don'[t think that's necessarily important in this piece..but it would have helped over all..pretty good drop....thanks for the read |
this was nice it reminded of edgar allen poe but cfome on man finish th epoem for real go tme on the edge now and waiting
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very descriptive with your poetry
simple, but slick 1 |
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