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Trapped In His Own Abstract
I see it in the eyes, and bliss the sky’s bending for a kiss.
This myth’s fable, I sit down the cradle in the glowing mist. Assist of temper, tranquility taken over my genius mentality. Happiness decreasing, minds ceasing to exist…..and… ………………………………………..… ….emotions falling gradually. Stress of attention, the comprehension of outgoing pensions. Not to mention blowing affections, the minds in detention. Sadness that borrow feelings, signs of pain and sorrow. Confused and abused, better luck thinking tomorrow. Like I’m trapped in a dream, seems the cranium’s corrupt. Abrupt screaming, No self-esteem but belief is a must. This life’s unjust, the souls working in different ways. A place to linger for stay…………………………. ………………………………………. before the clouds ablaze. And this outbreak of mind, designed as a desired test. Blessed with a talent, but the thoughts failing to rest. Fading the stress inside me but flowing back like I.V. It’s time we walk out of with cries…….but ………………………………………… away from prying eyes. See, disguised lies to deceive guys to the brink of insanity. The sanity channeling me and challenging me savagely. It’s ravaging the silent air, and the climate surroundings. This bound to the mental picture, pulling fate around me. Sounds of voices getting louder pushing my annoyance. And the streaks of beautiful colors…. …………………………………………†¦â€¦.. but winds of poison. It’s the decision in the right of mind, tis’ been vanquished. The ego’s a standstill, the mental felicity is vanished. But the abstract of ones negligence is keeping it intact. But my reaction, to this fraction has finally cracked. Can’t go back, don’t remember the memories of radiance. Tediousness terribly depleting my energy….. ………………………and this immense sense of no presence. These phobias surroundings all condense around me. The emotions of joy trapped in insanities boundaries. My soul’s being ripped apart, can’t ponder this drought…. …. Is bringing me to the end of the Train of Thoughts. Can’t.... Go…. Further…. This mainframes subliminal. Crawls to the mirror and sees himself………. …………………………………………†¦â€¦â€¦.As his own criminal. |
I Know yall had prolly seen this in RB before But I didn't like the title of it.
But W/E Please feedback And i'll feedback yours. http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=225856 |
Stop Sleeping.....
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deep shit, it was koo, i liked da way u worded shit but yea it was straight
i give 7.5/10 return da favor |
Paramik... paramik... paramik. I look at this piece once or twice and go "shit, this guy's a very talented writer"... and you are, just look at the structure, vocab, flow and wordplay in this piece and it's tremendous. But to be 100% honest man, I read this five times and had no idea what the fuck it was talking about. It was far too abstract for my liking and I think you'd be better writing a piece with alot of imagery and a few abstract bars tossed into the mix. The jist i got from this piece was about a man who was ruining his life with poor decisions and the effects his actions were having on him. Was I right? Overall, well written piece, good potential, way too fucking abstract.
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LOL I agree with you fully. Yeah I didn't put much imagery. It's what came too my head. LOL at Abstract.. But I agree I think I should've have finished it much better before I postd but then I just wanted to get over with it. I didn't really thought it matched well from some prts even have trouble finding a title. But hey thats just me.
Thanks for the Feed though. |
very talented writer...this work make me wan't to read it a few times...Nice job looking foward to reading more
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upping.
I'll get the next feedback when somebody drops a worthy open mic. |
I see it in the eyes, and bliss the sky’s bending for a kiss.
This myth’s fable, I sit down the cradle in the glowing mist. Assist of temper, tranquility taken over my genius mentality. Happiness decreasing, minds ceasing to exist…..and… ………………………………………..… ….emotions falling gradually. good job, really like that part. good opener. i would post all the other parts that i like but somehow i would end up copying the hole thing lol. anyways u truely are a talented writer. really liked this piece. if ya can do me a favor and check out Tired of.... its kinda lame but i was stressed that day. |
I have to agree wit them cats...its some comfusing shit but its tight. u use voacabs and shit. but is it a song or a poem? its seemed too relaxed in the flow to be a song so it felt like poetry to me. 7/10
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Closed only one link.. pm me the other and ill re-open this
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