Organized Demise
 

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=228469
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=228578

Ayo I think it’s time I pour my mind an’ cyph about my organized demise//~/
so over the course of my insight, I’ma’ take you on tour inside my mind, //~/
i try to give you the fruits of this life, i keep this shit on cruise when i write//~/
i need ya’ sympathy, so that’s why i'm doin’ this right? get a clue when i cyph//~/
One move, an' it's like, i'm pullin’ the knife, stop an' drop two in ya’ sight//~/
C’mon’ get in my shoes an’ you might, get a small sense of the abuse that I fight//~/
What’s the use of this life? I’m blow when my pain lights the fuse an’ ignite//~/
an’ all you people think I do it for hype, But I’ll sit in this room while I write, //~/
I rode in a plane, but this is where it crashes an’ burns, just grasp it an’ learn//~/
I’m on a path wit no turns, you don’t know me, so yea, I look past ya’ concern//~/
Tha to first to land it, How does hurt get managed under these circumstances?//~/
many things led to this point, wanna see pain? Let me drop on heads like a coin//~/
when I think back it gets foggy, my whole fam had counseling while I sat in the lobby//~/
so young, yet did I fight it that well? Did I hide that well? Dog the pain levels right at the belt//~/
theres some things that I can’t even mention in this, there’s a stench in the mist//~/
let out all this hate an’ anger when I’m clenchin’ a fist, an’ check the extension to this//~/
SkYLL is cold, leave you needin’ to breathe, like I verbally blew two at ya’ ribs//~/
just get a clue wit my spit, SkYLL treats hearts like cds, one move an’ it skips//~/
an’ everyone thinks I won’t lose it an’ slit, I got all kinds of help but I refuse it a bit//~/
damn I’m not new to this shit, my pain haunts me, I’m the very proof that it lives//~/
it’z 2 in the mornin’, I’m at the end of my path as I leak, check the facts that I speak//~/
blast away or slash wit blades? I’ll cut, ‘cause I’m not tryna’ wake my fam out of they sleep//~/
no screams so I mask’em an’ weep, it hurts knowin’ you prolly laugh as you read //~/
I stood there as my pain rains drippin’ off of my tips, anything said came soft from the lips//~/
My life drained off of my slits, I can’t even think as my brain’s stallin’ a bit//~/
this isn't sum phase that I’m spittin’, this is daily hurt that consistently stays intermittent//~/
do or die? i wanted to live this life, but i blacked out before i made my decision//~/

THIS SHIT WAS HOT...^^ THAT LINE STOOD OUT THE MOST TO ME THOUGH, ONLY CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM I CAN GIVE IS THE STRUCTURE COULD BE ALOT BETTER. YOU KNOW HOW TO COUNT BARS? THE WAY THATS TYPED UP WITH THE LINES ALL STRECHED OUT MAKES IT APPEAR LIKE IT DOESNT FLOW OR THERES TOO MANY RHYMES TRYIN TO BE CRAMMED INTO 1 BAR...THIS NICE FUH NET SHIT BUT IT DONT SEEM LIKE IT WOULD GO WITT A BEAT. GOOD SHIT THOUGH B.

word, a lot of my pieces are to a beat in my head, they all flow perfect....i promise. however, i appreciate it, it's nice getting more than 2 words for feedback. the original site i was at was dope, and this site is the most similar that i've come across where there's a lot of actual talent and not gassed lame asses bein' cocky when they have no reason to be. and i probably could split my bars. i don't try cramming anything, but if it appears that way, oh well. i learned to do away with fillers a year after i started rhymin'....thanks homie.

up-in-your-girl ^

up-in-your-girl^