RapVerse.com Community - "In the Shadows of the Living Room"

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- - "In the Shadows of the Living Room" (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=230420)

"In the Shadows of the Living Room"

In the shadows
of bowing minutes
counting finger tips
... "1,3,6" finished.
Ceiling tiles, 817
dot holes to each;
80 square feet
of carpet, there are
ten ants farming
the crumbs of each.

Tic

Tic

Tic

Clockwork spectator.
Today's game
.... is taking forever.
The room now,
tipped upside down.
Which is down? Is up?
What's the ground?
The blood's sent,
kissing my forehead.
Towards the window,
a touch of willow's
sorrows find a pillow,
on the tilwood deck.

Tic

Tic

Tic

Open every cabinet
at least three times,
I'm not even hungry
... Who'd a guessed?
Sifting the dimlit
dining room politics.
I haven't picked up
my foot for one step,
against this humdrum
day's degrading chest.

Tic

Tic

The wall has held
almost all my awe.
It doesn't burn when
my eyes begin to fall
blinklessly along the wall
for hours, now tears
stay clear as all
the rims of vision
begin to blur along
an oblong peripheral.

Tic

6 hours in this
damn house is,
starting to pronounce.
Starting to bloom
scars on thought.
I've over thought
every single gently
scribbled heart beat
to the point of palpitation.

I'm slowly dying inside.
The rain shook hands
and took the reigns,
before it began to cry.

The depression is hollow;

Lost in the plume
of sickening hypochondria,
I erode in the dueling
shadows, of the living room.

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=202321

nice dude...lots of vocab in here. at the beginning, i didn't see much but as the piece progressed, the song became a little bit more complex along the way. structure was great...and i like the "tic tic tic" thing inbetween every verse...stanza...w/e. an abundance of imagery was put throughout the piece. that part really stuck out to me. flow was great...everything was smooth and linked together. it's really more like a poem to me...but that's just me

awesome piece and keep making more 9/10

I write very poetically, I'm surprised you were able to grasp this... I was leary about bringing this from Rb because this site has shown a pattern of low comprehension in the past. Thanks for your input man.