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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
06-22-06, 01:33 PM
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#1
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1926
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"In the Shadows of the Living Room"
IP: 0825 899A
In the shadows
of bowing minutes counting finger tips ... "1,3,6" finished. Ceiling tiles, 817 dot holes to each; 80 square feet of carpet, there are ten ants farming the crumbs of each. Tic Tic Tic Clockwork spectator. Tic
Tic Tic
Open every cabinet at least three times, I'm not even hungry ... Who'd a guessed? Sifting the dimlit dining room politics. I haven't picked up my foot for one step, against this humdrum day's degrading chest. Tic
Tic Tic The wall has held
almost all my awe. It doesn't burn when my eyes begin to fall blinklessly along the wall for hours, now tears stay clear as all the rims of vision begin to blur along an oblong peripheral. Tic
Tic Tic
6 hours in this
damn house is, starting to pronounce. Starting to bloom scars on thought. I've over thought every single gently scribbled heart beat to the point of palpitation. I'm slowly dying inside.
The rain shook hands and took the reigns, before it began to cry. The depression is hollow;
Lost in the plume of sickening hypochondria, I erode in the dueling shadows, of the living room. http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=202321 |
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06-23-06, 09:36 AM
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#2
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New to RV
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IP: 1362 57DA
nice dude...lots of vocab in here. at the beginning, i didn't see much but as the piece progressed, the song became a little bit more complex along the way. structure was great...and i like the "tic tic tic" thing inbetween every verse...stanza...w/e. an abundance of imagery was put throughout the piece. that part really stuck out to me. flow was great...everything was smooth and linked together. it's really more like a poem to me...but that's just me
awesome piece and keep making more 9/10
__________________
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06-23-06, 10:12 AM
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#3
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1926
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IP: 0825 899A
I write very poetically, I'm surprised you were able to grasp this... I was leary about bringing this from Rb because this site has shown a pattern of low comprehension in the past. Thanks for your input man.
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