Trip Back With That Real Hip Hop!!!!peep It!!!!!!!
 

WHaddup yall this is a story track I wrote for the rstl's, figured I'd post it here too an see what yall think. Leave some good feed plz, good looks...1


Song Title: The Jigsaw

Link to Song:

http://www.soundclick.com/triplen

Lyrics to song:

Verse 1:

The behind is sore from hardwood chair
On defendant side where the juror's cold stares
Tearin' a hole in left side of my face
Ankles & wrists itch, cuffs cause'em to chaff
Look at the court appointed an feelin' disappointed
He sweatin' & shakin lookin' like he aint gonna make it
An I'm facin life...
Nervous prick got the nerve to turn and utter the words its alright
Then I turn to my right, who do I see?
Come to the stand that Bitch! Jennifer reason I be
Shackled & chained bout to be caged like zoo animals
Cuz two adults got down like two animals
No different from anybody else but I'm black
She's white, this is alabamanian life
An somebody told that she be sleepin' wit negros
Now a rapist, 20 yrs old with life gone

Hook:

Yo, Life's a Jigsaw an you missin' a piece
Sometimes ya gotta improvise in midst of the heat's
Benign commonplace that ya see every week
Or cease!......to walk the streets
Hook repeats

Verse 2:

She gave her testimony was hard injestin the phony
Caucasian jury of peers easily injestin' it plenty
No gaggin jus gettin' maddened at the nigga in orange
Don't matter got no priors & honor student in college
Or momma jus be watchin' a prosecuter demolish
Integrity & steadily realizin' he's a goner
"No!" Then look at honor lookin' jury starrin' at a nigga
with eyes of guys of likes of Jeffrey Dahmer
Everybody know the verdict they jus drawin' it out
They get to deliberatin' an sortin' it out
Wheter life or death for ringin' a nigga out
Framin the life juice in prosecuter's house
Then the jurors come out, I start to sweat
An feelin regret that ever messed wit white bitch
But if this it! in a chair I'm a melt
I can't help, but sitback an think to self

Hook

Verse 3:

I look Down & see a paperclip on the floor
I pick it up quick! then I start to pick
At cuffs, then the right hand is free
Spree from chair an tackle the guard left of me
Put paperclip in his eye then I released
Gun from the holster, before they could scream
They Freeze! too petrofied to flee
So, I close eyes an blindly start to squeeze
Til AK make sound of chambers empty
I could walk out of here an be scott free
But then something terrible! occured to me
Mom was here, during the murder spree
So, I go to third row an what do I see
Mom holding her throat, blood gushin' a stream
Down her shirt, she choked when tried to speak
Then made a funny sound an died in front of me
I stand up, in the abiss of bodies
Hear cops approachin' outside in the lobby
Moms dying killed the will inside me
Drew the GAT!, an ran out in the lobby!


Links to feed left:

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...250#post2794250
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=231652
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...257#post2794257

Listenin', like the intro sample..beat intro is nice im feelin the pianos and the gun shots are a nice effect..this beat is perfect for this track..

You come in now, flow is crazy fam...on this verse great flow and delivery..lyrics im readin too and its real tight im feelin the story your tellin so far about this race difference..

Hook is tight and catchy too nice lyrics on it too...

2nd verse feelin the lyrics again too, jeffrey dahmer line was crazy...this story is unique and interesting..

Life the pause and sample before the hook..

3rd verse...dayum...the story took a gruesome end bout the mother dying..damn...chilling ending to dat...

Adlibs were real good in this track helped it flow along with the emotion alot..

Ight lets rate shit:

Flow = 9.5/10 didnt fall off really
Emotion = 10/10 you cudnt change what you did there
Delivery = 10/10 same as before...
Lyrics = 10/10 great lyrics..specially on the hook (revised my decision here lol, read it again and damn no flaws)
Articulation = 8.8/10 I guess ima pick on this cos it isnt any use fo you to get feed without and constructive critique..and this was the only thing I cud say wasnt as good as the others, some words I cudnt hear but rlly i heard most...so its not a huge prolblem..but fo real this track is crazy...-downloads-....1

yup yup...this was a hot joint!


i liked ur presence/emotion put in it...right in point with it same with the flow...lyrics made sense yeah..and i enjoyed the story line..pretty gd imagery..hook was lovely!i like the soft/hard atmosphere..pretty nice here..not to even talk of ur voice:thumbup:


keep dropping please!

aiight word, so I just read along to lyrics and listned first and now am only typin' feed. But damn, yo. dope ass story fo reel. that ending was ill, some girl IMed me during the intro of 3rd verse so I missed what you was saying, so I rewinded track back so I could pick up from it. that's how into it i was yo. lol but fo reel, beat was dope. Your flow throughout was real nice, good change ups. Also the adlibs really added to story, made it more colorful. Hook was plain dopeness. basically whole story wrapped into that. dope shit. whole story was nice. good touch to make his mom be onme of people who died, makes you either feel sorry for dude, who like "he deserves that" depending on your opinion so far thru story. and nice ending too.

overall dope track yo. loved it stay up. 9.5/10

EZ

aight i'm peepin this now

quality is perfect for the beat.....

flow was really smooth....... i really like the multies you use in your lyrics and the vocab you got really catches the listeners attention....I like this....

The hook is nice........i like the piano melody on the backround

Second verse is the same flow is a lil bit quicker and the lyrics and multies stay on point.......delivery and what not is still hot

the hook again is nice really smooth

The pause in the song was cool

came right back in hot.......

i like the third verse the most.......the gun effect was cool....fit it perfect and wasn't too loud or quiet

Good shit fam...i like this.... hot shit

keep ddroppin

listening.....returning the favor....

i like the intro...def.

dunno if im really liking this beat much...dunno..just not my type of beat i guess....

first verse is nice......

hook is nice as well...prolly the best part as of yet.......like how u come in on the 2nd verse with the multies...

overall...good story....

upping for this nigga mayne....

Intro...damn u..i was bout 2 drop a track wit dat sample

im feelin the storyline...beat was kinda blahhh

hook was iight...

but this was a deep track...i liked the 2nd verse the best

u came in hott

mos def another hot track

we gotta collab soon

Intros dope,nice sample...

Beats nice man..scratchin

Aight your on,feelin your flow,suits the beat....feelin your delivery on this,fluxuations are nice...feelin this,emotions mad nice,feelin the laid back style..really suits...man the lyrics are dope....damn,this is fiya....real ncie verse

I like the hook the way you hang on the end of the words...real nice!

Verse 2.....Flows madd fire,even better than first...this is crazy,deliverys dope....emotions dope,feelin the presence man...real nice..like the lil sample on it lyrics were dope

Hook...............

Verse 3...feelin this verse,i like the 2nd the best though,but i like how you do it a lil like the hook with the hanging on....flows dope,word@the lyrics....i like the lil noooo..whyyy that add nice effect man...real good shit

Fire...1.

I like this one, I thought you coulda went faster in some spots but thats it. The hook was a fuckin dopeness piece of shit...lol the lyrics were overall hotness and I also give you props for postin the lyrics. I went with em while I was listening, I downloaded it and It'll be heard in my ears for awhile. also along with some of your older shit. overall nice drop trip, you seem to have got my attenton this time!

1

word. beat is ill. Great story tellin peice.

verses - were strait. flow was always on, and lyrics were good. good story. ending was nice.

chorus was my favorite part. flowed good.


i think this was a solid track for real. nice drop

good looks on all the feed yalll.....1

checking....


intro.... everyone has used this... pulp fiction... samuel jackson

beat... nice story beat....

verse one... simple flow... ehhh i've heard you do better....

hook.... nice... like da layers...

second verse... flow is much better here.... sounds like it goes from line to line a lot better and actually rides the beat better than frst verse....

hook again... sounds different when it comes in... i don't know...

third verse... flow falls off a lil here.... story is kool... some of the adlibs seem outta place or too loud.... it was aiight... not ya best but aiight....

be ez

playing........ Good use of sample, I have the same on on a old track.

beat and vocals kick in nice, adlibs sounding nice, flows solid, story lines catching.
Ive said it everytime I heard your tracks, you remind me that cat from snoops dogs label, he on that slim track.. remmmmmeeeeeeeembbbbbber meeeeeeee!!!!! lol, blah.

good track bro,feeling it.