Provoked thoughts
 

why am i born to die
the voice of the still borns cry
asleep in spirit, concevied in thruth
currupt by sin of the ruthless womb

seeds fall on soil, rich with life and grow
unexpected, rejected some fall on stones
the merciless sun and perilous nights, form sons
of darkness denied the light

while tender roses,grow sweet and bloom
the thorns provoken, have sealed their doom
the winters past, petals lie on the floor
the rose is gone, so remains the thorn

The humble, can be humbled no more
trials seen, pain endured
showers of pain, as hours of rain, it drizzels, now its yours
the Proud, laugh, slander, those living through hell
your winter is comming, believe,brace your selves

if light was dark, and day was night
our views of love, of wrong, of right
show opression as training,
weakness as wealth
the meek as the greatest
the depressed as blessed

then our world, would be, not as it is
but as it should
the mute sing, the blind see things,
like schollars from the hood



BONE DEEP

one

this was pretty good. I liked this.
Your use of rhyme worked and that can be difficult to achieve...I was feeling this.... well here and there anyway.

why am i born to die
the voice of the still borns cry
asleep in spirit, concevied in thruth
currupt by sin of the ruthless womb

seeds fall on soil, rich with life and grow
unexpected, rejected some fall on stones
the merciless sun and perilous nights, form sons
of darkness denied the light
the first two stanzas were great I thought...
most of this poem was good and it showed thought in the formulation of your ideas.

However I thought that the end was a little corny. Don't mean to badmouth or anything but you had ill, smart poem until you used the scholars from the hood line...it's too much of an elementary similie.

Dope shit anyway.
Peace

At times written very well, with some good imagery..

..but i felt some of the lines weren't constructed as well as they could've been, and you missed out some words when writing...stuff like that...

..but overall, the message was fairtly strong and clear...and the ending could've been very good, but the last line seemed a bit blunt and elaborate in a way...

....still, good piece for sure...

...resp..

yeh i know the last line was messed up, u can probably tell i started rushing near the end.
feedback is appreciated

one

I liked this good job man. keep it coming. good stuff

yeh, one
uppin for feedback