need feedback...
 

this was a freestyle i did in "freestyle Cypher"
was just wondering if it is worthy of audio or not...
if it sux tell me tho



yo, i lyrically spit clips while im up in the cypher
yo pass me the weed, dont bother with the lighter
cause when i'm spittin.... i spittin fire.
im your simplist desire embodied in words
wrote yer name in the inscription of larzac, cause its what u deserve
watch as my verbs bullets curve and swerve seekin out yer nerves.
you think its absurd how a kid from the 'burbs
with lyrics only, verbals lonely, could have your intentions curbed
thats the power of the learned
when my face stern, people discern thier is cause for concern
that ima have the whole world "upside-down-turned"
im buryin bodies in forests of fern
i bring my tongue with me to get the body to burn
cause like i said earlier, my words are a flame-inducing germ

This Piece needs work...Elevate

what do you mean by elevate?

this one was just seein how evil i could get on a track need feedback on rhymes, rhyme scheme the like


yo im merciless
leavin whole hostpitals nurseless
fillin the streets of broomfield up with herses
borne from the darkest curses
brought up in christianity, but now i burn churches
my unholy purpose... to watch stomaches bursts's
im the worsest
I bring whole cultures to they knees
i can't murder unless im hearin pitiful plea's
i lost my sanity
splitsoul tears your essence from your physical
have you feelin pain of needles from my voodoo ritual
the sickest individual
when i leave the scene i let everyone get a visual
my audios stay in ya head residual
hang ya body above my cup and let the blood trickle
ill tickle ya and bring you fame
not the way you want it, in the obitiuaries they see ya name
my wild style you cant tame
its hard to refrain from murderous antics
leavin whole citys frantic
style reminiscent of psycho-somantic
its tragic.................

lol that wasn't the best but i had those rhymes in my head for a while
ima work on it, just wanted feedback on the rhymes and how fast/slow the beat should be