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open flames (a not so good verse from yours trully)
Phenomenal streaks of light dissappeared before my eyes
Darkness tricked my sight with reoccurring path of disguise Blazing catasthropic emotions inflamed a view sustained Twice the size twice the pain here standin still amazingly insane Awed of the infatuation of an element to delivers risky combustion Visible stimulation waiting to become yellow prematures destruction Illumination through the air creates glowing ember that ignites death Tortured heat of extraordinary third degree burns inspired my mind-set Shadows of firearms and artilleries reproduce massive amount of genocides Ardor damaged the world entirely like fueling each cry personifides Lies and deception reappeared and motivates for its smoke to be invisible Sounds of burning furnace attracts the centered core exceeds to pull Blending its unique red-orange environment as it turned to fine ashes Envisoning myself as an obsessed insect devoted to power and malice Ardor - a speech full of fire ....:( some said i put a lot of vocabs in it...just wanna ask what u guys think....i suck at this stuff....constructive critism is very well appreciated...thanks! |
This is really good.. The people who told you that you used too much vocab were just idiots. Let them use their one syllable words to compose thier writings, you keep writing yours like this.. Anyway.. 'that was dope.. ' ;)
(btw, you haven't had a 'Phobia Of The Day' for like a week now.. whats up with that? :confused: ) |
Rhyming/Flow
This was Tight, Every Bar Had A Smooth Flow To It, Ever line Had A Smooth Flow To It..lol....8/10 Vocab/Wordplay Quote:
Concept/Topic The Concept Realated To The Topic "Open Flames", You had Lots Of Firery Words, Menaings, Lines IN there...8/10 Overall 8/10 , Not Really Much To IMprove On, Maybe A Bit Longer..But Meh, Killa Drop! |
yo, shiznit.. I owe you... so here I go..
the vocab was in abundance, but not at all over dun... I like vocab, u know that.. there wasn't much wordplay, but I'm coked out, so I may be wrong.. the flow was good for the most, a little sketchy in some places but I'm a little sketchy right now too, so reading it was a little hard... it was nice... you really gotta work on delivery and bar length tho I notice, and rotation, some of the rhyme words seemed out-a place... ne-way.. over all it was good but you do need some elevation.. we all do.. lol, or we'd be rich... stay real gurl |
this was a great peace you got a shiznit load of talent twin
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very good,
i'm not kidding ;) your internal rhyme scheme was mad dope and the vocab was really good it flowed very nicely. believe me, you don't suck at this stuff keep dropping these! just write like all day and keep dropping em' :)... Shadows of firearms and artilleries reproduce massive amount of genocides Ardor damaged the world entirely like fueling each cry personifides woah ^...how can you say that sucked? umm yeah right...this was above dope, i'm not kidding...VERY nice job...... 11 out of 10....;) pz |
hmmm...pretty much interesting...i mean i didnt expect to have feedbacks like these *feels special*
The End...hmmm..."dope" eh?? hehehe arent you just glad that i dropped this here...LOL thanks! Rhytmic....WOW...now thats a contructive critism i want...i always gave away my critisms to every1 and ur the only one who had given the favor back...thanks a lot...hmmm 8/10 not bad huh??? ..very much appreaciated man!..(i replied to one of ur threads hehe) Blunt MC...ive read a bunch of ur stuff now and i think ur good...want to elevate together???? ;)..well thanks a lot! Sand...dammit!...man ur tripping big time...11/10 hahahah u gotta be shittin me...i think u just sayin that cuz ur my friend *shrugs*..but if those werds were true then im glad that u liked it....i still suck tho...and ur way way way better... first open mic dropped shared : SUCCESS! :) |
I Owe you a drop, You always peepin My shit.....
Vocab- Damn, I didnt even understand half the stuff you wrote. haha, but hey, Im from a stupid town and im only a freshman now. lol. It was dope though. People Who say you suck, Need to just Back Off.....You THe Shit. Or I should say, The Shiznit....:) Flow- Really? Do I need to say A lot about this. It was sick. Whole Story- Just Sick, Overall.......9/10.....just cuz it was short, But it was Dope. Keep Writing, But Maybe Next Time you can make one that i FULLY understand. haha........Nice Drop..... IM out |
Quote:
and what exactly u didnt understand?? hmm?? Explanations: Me standing infront of open flames then the sudden reoccurence of such events in my mind as i stares within its powerful being completely indulge with such passion and heat....oh well..hope it makes sense... but thanks a lot Slik! |
anymore any1??? :(
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nice shit shiz.......
fuck the vocab haters.....lol i like a verse thats complex and has good vocab |
yo nice flow...
vocab was tight... decent piece here... fav line... Ardor damaged the world entirely like fueling each cry personifides ^^shit was deep and nice 7.5/10 |
I Am Speechless Shiznit...I Always Knew You Were Good But Holy Shit...
Vocab Is Great, Imagery Is Even Better, And Now I'm Seriously Printing This Piece Out And Masturbating While I Read It...Ok Not Really But Wouldn't That Be Creepy? Return The Favor If Ya Got The Time: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=65277 |
yo shit was tight vocab was hard kind short but probally the best drop ive read all day holla
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