Phenomenal streaks of light dissappeared before my eyes
Darkness tricked my sight with reoccurring path of disguise
Blazing catasthropic emotions inflamed a view sustained
Twice the size twice the pain here standin still amazingly insane
Awed of the infatuation of an element to delivers risky combustion
Visible stimulation waiting to become yellow prematures destruction
Illumination through the air creates glowing ember that ignites death
Tortured heat of extraordinary third degree burns inspired my mind-set
Shadows of firearms and artilleries reproduce massive amount of genocides
Ardor damaged the world entirely like fueling each cry personifides
Lies and deception reappeared and motivates for its smoke to be invisible
Sounds of burning furnace attracts the centered core exceeds to pull
Blending its unique red-orange environment as it turned to fine ashes
Envisoning myself as an obsessed insect devoted to power and malice

Ardor - a speech full of fire


.... some said i put a lot of vocabs in it...just wanna ask what u guys think....i suck at this stuff....constructive critism is very well appreciated...thanks!

__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>

This is really good.. The people who told you that you used too much vocab were just idiots. Let them use their one syllable words to compose thier writings, you keep writing yours like this.. Anyway.. 'that was dope.. '

(btw, you haven't had a 'Phobia Of The Day' for like a week now.. whats up with that? )

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<center><br>
- The End -
Original Rb Admin
And Still Watching Over You. <br> <img src=http://home.houston.rr.com/tacofox/epenis222.gif></img><br> -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better-

Rhyming/Flow
This was Tight, Every Bar Had A Smooth Flow To It, Ever line Had A Smooth Flow To It..lol....8/10

Vocab/Wordplay
- Word, One Syllable Writings Are O.k For Freestyling BUt Written Pieces Need To be Complex, Like This! You had Brutal Vocab (You Gonna Get A few People Saying You used A Dictionary Or Somthing For This), Keep Spittin With Vocab Like That dawg!..9/10

Concept/Topic
The Concept Realated To The Topic "Open Flames", You had Lots Of Firery Words, Menaings, Lines IN there...8/10

Overall
8/10 , Not Really Much To IMprove On, Maybe A Bit Longer..But Meh, Killa Drop!

yo, shiznit.. I owe you... so here I go..

the vocab was in abundance, but not at all over dun... I like vocab, u know that.. there wasn't much wordplay, but I'm coked out, so I may be wrong.. the flow was good for the most, a little sketchy in some places but I'm a little sketchy right now too, so reading it was a little hard... it was nice... you really gotta work on delivery and bar length tho I notice, and rotation, some of the rhyme words seemed out-a place...

ne-way.. over all it was good but you do need some elevation.. we all do.. lol, or we'd be rich... stay real gurl

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this was a great peace you got a shiznit load of talent twin

very good,

i'm not kidding

your internal rhyme scheme was mad dope
and the vocab was really good it flowed very
nicely. believe me, you don't suck at this stuff
keep dropping these! just write like all day and
keep dropping em' ...

Shadows of firearms and artilleries reproduce massive amount of genocides
Ardor damaged the world entirely like fueling each cry personifides



woah ^...how can you say that sucked?
umm yeah right...this was above dope,
i'm not kidding...VERY nice job......


11 out of 10....


pz

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hmmm...pretty much interesting...i mean i didnt expect to have feedbacks like these *feels special*


The End...hmmm..."dope" eh?? hehehe arent you just glad that i dropped this here...LOL thanks!

Rhytmic....WOW...now thats a contructive critism i want...i always gave away my critisms to every1 and ur the only one who had given the favor back...thanks a lot...hmmm 8/10 not bad huh??? ..very much appreaciated man!..(i replied to one of ur threads hehe)

Blunt MC...ive read a bunch of ur stuff now and i think ur good...want to elevate together???? ..well thanks a lot!

Sand...dammit!...man ur tripping big time...11/10 hahahah u gotta be shittin me...i think u just sayin that cuz ur my friend *shrugs*..but if those werds were true then im glad that u liked it....i still suck tho...and ur way way way better...


first open mic dropped shared : SUCCESS!

__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>

I Owe you a drop, You always peepin My shit.....

Vocab- Damn, I didnt even understand half the stuff you wrote. haha, but hey, Im from a stupid town and im only a freshman now. lol. It was dope though.
People Who say you suck, Need to just Back Off.....You THe Shit.
Or I should say, The Shiznit....

Flow- Really? Do I need to say A lot about this. It was sick.

Whole Story- Just Sick, Overall.......9/10.....just cuz it was short, But it was Dope. Keep Writing, But Maybe Next Time you can make one that i FULLY understand. haha........Nice Drop.....

IM out

and what exactly u didnt understand?? hmm??


Explanations:

Me standing infront of open flames then the sudden reoccurence of such events in my mind as i stares within its powerful being completely indulge with such passion and heat....oh well..hope it makes sense...

but thanks a lot Slik!

__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>

anymore any1???

__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>

nice shit shiz.......
fuck the vocab haters.....lol
i like a verse thats complex and has good vocab

yo nice flow...

vocab was tight...

decent piece here...

fav line...

Ardor damaged the world entirely like fueling each cry personifides
^^shit was deep and nice

7.5/10

I Am Speechless Shiznit...I Always Knew You Were Good But Holy Shit...

Vocab Is Great, Imagery Is Even Better, And Now I'm Seriously Printing This Piece Out And Masturbating While I Read It...Ok Not Really But Wouldn't That Be Creepy?

Return The Favor If Ya Got The Time: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=65277