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Welcome Back!
I sit around midnight
yelling at the screen demanding answers from people who cant see or hear me HAPPY NEW YEAR! speak for yourself they commit slow suicide as they drink to their health i laugh at my wittiness enjoy my temporary glee take comfort in the fact that ive got an extra year of misery not knowing whats in store it all comes down to the moment I had the whole hour before but I chose to disown it for not being like it was on TV as the panic's strickening the countdown hits 17 how much longer will this life tolerate me? as the masses look to the sky anticipating THIS IS IT! a girl with a hungry look in her eyes just waiting to be kissed not aware of the consequence dire i stare into the one eyed monsters soul as the sky lights on fire I start to lose control my head outweighed by my eyelids remembering my mom's voice SAFETY FIRST! then violence I decided to follow the trend and enact a climax of my own the gun blast drowns out their claps as I go to commercial the world gets... WELCOME BACK! |
Great flow, I almost felt myself slide with you while reading this.. Like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle fitting together, thats the only way I can describe it lol
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thanks for the input TOURNIQUET
any other feedback would be appreciated |
if u don't wanna be a paranoid little fuck, get the fuck outside, it aint fuckin healthy to stay inside all the god damn tmie
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Quote:
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*points to top*
plz read that and feed back |
Choppy flow, but it was intentional and it works. Subject matter is a bit too shrouded for me, I'm not sure what you're trying to convey. It didn't help that it had a rather mundane vocabulary either.
It was pretty decent overall though. ~Shalom~ |
nice drop i like the format you set up wit this
flow did seem a lil choppy but didnt hurt this piece enough to make it suk dope imagry an all together good piece..... |
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