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-   -   The beginning of the End (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=79018)

XEastSide_QueenX 09-10-03 07:41 PM

The beginning of the End
 
Sorry this is another 'repeating' poem, it's juss the style I like ...



For every blossoming rose, there is a rose that dies
For every child that smiles, there is a miserable child that cries
For every bright, sunny day, there are tornadoes and rain that fall
For every broken leg, a new baby learns to crawl

For every tear that drops, there is a blissful smile
For every suicide, someone else finds that life is worth while
For every mourning death, a new child is born
For every page of the Bible, there is a website full of porn

For every broken heart, there is a heart that finds true love
For every hunted animal, there is a beautiful flying dove
For every hateful fight, there is a couple getting married
For every new born child, there is a person getting burried

For every drive-by shooting, there is a group of friends
For every new beginning is just the beginning of the end...

Stark 09-10-03 08:33 PM

Nice poem, had a good flow to it and it was well organized.

emde 09-11-03 12:46 PM

a few grammatical errors and I see alot of repeating nouns .... mix in some synonyms and you can take it up a knotch. peace

phoenix808 09-13-03 01:45 AM

I liked it. The repeating motiff never really get old to me if it's done well, and this one does. I like the line

For every new beginning is just the beginning of the end...

It just sounds really cool.

peace

varentao 09-16-03 07:26 PM

Yeah. This was unrelenting and rigid in it's style and meaning. The quite elementary yet well put together imagery was nice to read.

But the way you ended it made it a bit more than that. It rounded it off in a slightly echoing way...though not executed as good as it could've been. The overall effect was still there...

...resp...

vinesoto 09-17-03 07:50 AM

I thought taht poem was realy weel written and it is so true. i like the repetetive-ness. i thoguht it was well thought out.very good. i look forward to seeing more of this


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