Seek Sleep
 

Many nights spent thinking along with wondering/
As night feeds into day I think about you while slumbering/
Thoughts of us thoughts of two thoughts of me thoughts of you/
What to do with these feelings I possess for thine true/
I do not do anything without having a remembrance/
Your stuck on my mind like a painting done by Rembrandt/
Just like him you are the best with your desires/
But my desires stem from you leaving me with all nighters/
Up all night plotting and planning of ways to speak/
To try and get your attention while still staying bleek/
Not showing you too much in fear of rejection/
Looking at you puts up a stop sign at my hearts intersection/
Not knowing me but me knowing about you so deeply/
I want more dreams of you at night..So i seek sleep/

nice piece

was good read really easy to follow alright vocab and structure

some lines didn't work but overall it was a good verse

nice peace, flowed well and was ez 4 me to follow. Keep elavatin peace

its extremely short & it was mad lackin of substance in the beginnin, but towards the end u did pull it out, nice emotion, flow was kinda fucked.. especially midway, but overall its not bad @ all

Not showing you too much in fear of rejection/
Looking at you puts up a stop sign at my hearts intersection/
Not knowing me but me knowing about you so deeply/
I want more dreams of you at night..So i seek sleep/

^ nicely done, thas my fav. part, its a great finish, good tie in with the title :D

Not a bad writing. Kind of simple. A topic like this that gets written about often could have had more to it, I thought. Parts of it didn't really go together..like you were trying to force a rhyme or something. I dunno what it was. That was only for a couple of the lines though. Most of it I liked. I felt what you were saying in it.

"Up all night plotting and planning of ways to speak/
To try and get your attention"

I'm in that situation right now so I smiled when I read those lines.

"Not showing you too much in fear of rejection/"

That line shows how I been in the past few days. I liked reading that one.

The more I read this, the more I liked it. Pretty good. Keep posting.

I both did and didn't like the odd use of 'ye olde' words and sentence structures such as 'thine' and 'along wondering'.

I did like how it slowly formulated as the piece went on. Though simple it's depth of meaning was there and strong. The faint lines of yearning that emerged from this piece were the best part of it. Especially the ending. Seeking sleep, i dig that...

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