Keystyle for Suicide
 

Here's some shit about suicide and ghettho life. Check this:

When I die I wonder what'll happen to me
Will I fly straight up to heaven or like someone pretendin' to be
Go straight to hell, I'll never tell of my sorrow
Sittin' there wonderin' will I be alive tomorrow
My insides are all tied, I never cried
Or gave up my pride, never shot a nigga up just for the fuckin' East Side
As I sat and watched, a family died in front of my eyes
Nothin' but lies, and destroyed lives
Cut through a mans life like a hot hot knives
I'm tyin' to survive, keep my head up
I'm sick of drivebys and blowin' nigga houses sup'
I gotta escape my opwn body and go to a better place
No more meaningless sex and panties covered in lace
I hold a pistol with a bullet, my hand on the trigga
Tell my mom I went straight outta life like a prideful nigga

Give me some feedback so I can improve

aight dawg.....I felt tha realness in this piece howeva....I felt U could've delivered ur lines in a more artistic way cause they seemed rather cliche (no hate) jus how it is...jus be more creative but otherwise it was an ok piece!!

Hey, can you post up who you replied to?
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Thanks Man.

This seemed very very basic. I couldnt picture a beat to rap this too. That was a major flaw. However it did come from the heart and that always helps bring your marks up.
For once I agree with DAARK (fuckin dickhead) by sayin you need to be more creative.
OK but you need to practice....keep writin. 6/10

Thanks for the positive feedback. I was just tryin' to clear this off my mind.

That was off the hook. That would be great lyrics to put a beat to. You speak for a lot of us man. That truly was a good. can you check out forever my homie

This was alright man.....the flow was pretty decent, try adding some more multies and internals to help that out though, it got off at a few spots so try adding that to it.....The structure was alright watch the line length though....overall this was alright keep at it and keep dropping.