An Illfated Pair
 

Names? Biologically: Paul and Saul can mend the fervorness. .
& what's an epic without names - for all intensive purposes
Youthful as any, both characters designed to be like Socrates
While Webster himself couldn't do better defining mediocrity
Paul's outgoing. . Generic preachers and teachers had liked him
An incomplete profile without saying his features were striking
Social accolades built him; friends provided a thunderous grievance
The tell-tale battle as potential collides with underachievement
That is, in education; now, as we enter the hallway to Hell
The playing field is even - school: a place where Saul could excel
Out-of-shape & acne-ridden. . A mind not pompous but astounding
Confident; needless to say, Saul's still conscious of surroundings
Another blasé teen scripture? Don't debate my kin, be patient. .
Because I wouldn't have written this without greater implications
A captor had entered now, and both boys' souls were pocketed
The captor realized, minus geography, he'd captured polar opposites
But with a clear mind, the captor left his endeavor spun & smothered
Sadly, without his help, such a link would've never been discovered
So he dissected mentalities. . Without help, he soothed their tension
All the while laughing at more examples of self-induced depression
Captor smirks, returning souls; Paul & Saul would yield a dependant plea
Society was unmasked and laughing as he revealed his identity. .
With joyless lives, Paul & Saul would rebound - with "true" hate, though
The captor wins again, for the individuals had found a new scapegoat

in Society :nono:

I'll get links up soon - please, only real feedback.

ok............ok,ok,ok,les see,da story waz coo,i waz feelin where it waz goin jus felt u coulda said sum shit differently,but 2 each his/her own,seen a few blotches of complex vocab but dey seemed outta place,shoulda focused on makin erythang even,what u did is kinda like takin 2 different sized puzzle pieces n tryna fit em 2getha,shit gets sloppy,but w/ time comes experience,n hopfully w/ experience u'll gain da skill needed 2 fix ur flaws,so keep at it,1~IMAG

Thanks :rolleyes: . . More feedback, please.

this was a good read you had a lot of good line and great vocab it stayed on topic and flowed nicle keep it up

where are these links that you will "get up soon"?

Strategically at rest in the back of my mind, waiting to see if this forum has been cleaned up to the degree of maybe an actual piece of criticism. . Obviously, that's not the case, so close at will.

damn this was sum nice shit....i was feeling this good structure and wordplay fo sho...............
9/10