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-   -   Lost (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=98702)

-RockWilda- 12-14-03 08:26 AM

Lost
 
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...6646#post986646
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...6650#post986650
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...6652#post986652

ya, my first piece here so check it out


have you ever been so full of the negative shit that yo chest was ready to explode?

listen up

can u tell me what it feels like to be rotten inside
when you made it down so far that you think god is a lie
I can, so just sit back and take a hop in my life
and find out what Im doin to be so fuckin aside
of everything that makes a live normal, a joy or a wonder
its outer space, the clouds are grey and they destroy like a thunder
its seriously impossible to pass all these obstacles here
Im droppin a tear daily cause every goddamn walk is a fear
I got a feelin that Im not doin anythin that important
for my life, but than every second I sing is a fortune
call me maybe crazy and trapped, shady n whack
but I gotta write and roc a mic, I cant be lazy like that
Im walkin down the empty street think of clowns and them release
an album and they whack, and they think they tight on sampled beats
and just sit around maybe then Im gettin back to reality
pain, fear an jealousy are the kings of my galaxy

[chorus]
Im lost in the world (4x)

[verse two]
when I grab a mic I just feel free to say what I want
sabres and sons, cables and fun, labels or guns
it doesnt matter, how come nobody never wanted my skill
never say Im ill, reach my hand or honor whats real
I never found out, my mom always wants me to be
sumthin special, so she tells me "Son, once you be free"
tons of the believes did in my head like flowers in winter
I never be the winner, just the slave of cowards n sinners
but maybe thats the point maybeyou gotta take what you get
Im a loser but I can rap, others are lazy and fat
everybody what he deserves, not that Im down with the shit
I rather drown in the shit, sound as I quit, be loud as a bitch
every human being is authentic made so actually when its late
Im sittin there thinkin bout me and the whole che-mis-tray
that holds the world together, either you a saint or a knight
maybe I suck and Im a loser, but I never change what Im like

[chorus]
Im lost in the world (4x)

soon to be audio

-RockWilda- 12-14-03 11:28 AM

come on, hit me wit sum feedback yo

Gunna XL 12-14-03 01:27 PM

started out good but then just kept getting wacker and wacker

Menik 12-14-03 03:25 PM

This was alright i thought....structure was alright, could be touched up a bit though i think....flow in this was alright, fell off at some points as i was reading through it though....you had some good multies...overall this was a alright piece...keep at it.

Dev 12-14-03 07:25 PM

i thought ya first verse was better than the second....it seems like ya put all ya effort into that..then jus lost interest...the vocab was really basic aswell..but the first was ok...pZ

WORD~PERFECT 12-14-03 07:28 PM

it was a solid drop the intro brought such strength........then died down it wasnt bad but its like starting at the climax and then ending the reader wont be satisfied.

lyrical mobb 12-14-03 07:29 PM

noo good try again

-RockWilda- 12-15-03 01:15 AM

aight even if it sounds dumb but Im glad yall saw that, that always been my problem with writin lyrics, 1st verse is pretty dope and than it keeps on fallin off cause I lose creativity and good thoughts, how you think can I get rid of that. Take time for second and third verse like wait a week or sumthin like that?

.Skribblez. 12-15-03 01:22 AM

I thought this was cool....structure was alright, ....flow in this was cool, fell off at times as i was reading through it though....you had some niiice multies...Twas' a cool piece.. Jus keep on rhymin..

6.5 / 10

-Skribbz


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