Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
04-26-05, 01:14 PM | #1 | |||
I walk & walk over you
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Valor vs l i n e .
IP: 0CD2 4AEE
Battle Rules:
30 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Topic-close to the edge TJ VS O.G. Minimum posts to vote: 300 Check in by: 04-29-05 at 01:14 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. This Battle Is Now Closed
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04-26-05, 09:13 PM | #2 | |||||
Guest
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IP: 2029 97B3
Valor has ACCEPTED this battle on 04-26-05 09:13 PM.
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04-26-05, 10:13 PM | #3 | |||||
Guest
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IP: 27CC 8A8B
l i n e . has ACCEPTED this battle on 04-26-05 10:13 PM.
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04-26-05, 10:21 PM | #4 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: 27CC 8A8B
Close to the edge
Running through a blazing jungle, footsteps matching heartbeats Staying discreet, jumping over objects and ducking like frog leap I breathe deep, hoping not to be seen or my family's in jeopardy Mentally breaking me, I can't seem to see why I want it violently Bullets ricochet inside of me... silently ending my expeditions.. Wounds mending themselves, adding definition to my mission I look for ignition... my soul sparks a fuse and I run for the clear Musicians playing on the edge of a cliff, the backdrop disappears. It puts an end to my fears as I reach out to touch these legends And as our fingers connected, I was singing for hours.. or seconds? Needless to say I left thousands of impressions on the audience Camera flashes swirling in ambience, scene transects on a monument. I bent to see what was written on it... the statue on the edge Got choked up from what it said.. It appeared that I was dead Turned to flee back to the forest, which was now cemetery drive Becoming a priest in my mind… funerals jumping from all sides I praised these signs and prepared to walk an empty stairwell But before the ground opened up... I read a eulogy to myself.. I descended to hell, the fire engulfed my lungs – they exploded The setting imploded, fixing puzzle pieces… and I was noticed Became important, in this new scene filled with these intellectuals Archeologically finding differences between reality and biblical Clinically digging away my day, chipping at bones and boulders Making me colder, “How many fucking rocks can I fit in a folder” I grow older, get fed up, standing near the edge, preparing to plunge All my life accomplishments, wrong? I wish I were young…. The scene fades and the palette mixes together in ambiguous texture I work my job as a janitor, mopping floors for continuous hours.. Feel like a feather, at least this is a smooth descent for a fake… Jump from the edge, before I hit ground I awake, leaving nothing in my wake. ..damn.
__________________
-O.G-
Only way out now...is in a box.
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04-26-05, 11:48 PM | #5 | ||||
A Reflection Of The Past
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IP: 2029 97B3
I can't breathe, everyday cold shivering feeling's swim up my spine split personality, dealing with reality, trying to catch up for lost time no family, no feelings to share, IM scared, with out anyone to express love ten years of hard-core drugs, fighting thugs, my life these days suck i am a stupid fuck, life never took much, i should of tried harder on believing all my life under achieving, a looser kid whose family is gone, my hearts bleeding used up my teenaged years grieving, getting in fights, or catching bullets creating open wounds, while constantly using shrooms, i couldn't control it had a decent job, then got popped, for being a snot nosed little thief they never let me explain or speak, never given a chance, just told me to leave i couldn't believe, how cruel this ugly world can be, so i stuck to the streets supposed to be an orphan, i was told my Mom wanted an abortion, but decided to keep me as her only son, but what had she done, i was better off dead than alive but instead, IM a no good kid, who doesn't have shit, but a fucked up life -speaks to God- ''why has this happen to me, what makes you believe, this is what i deserve is there a reason, am i a demon, who was sent to suffer on this waste of earth? is this a curse, punishing my mother, or father for something evil they committed why me?, IM sorry for they're wrong doings, but i promise you i never did shit man i wish, i can turn back time, to become a better person, your true servant ill always love you, but i can't like you, like my parents who have me hurting.....''----- but it's to late now, i can't turn back, it's to late to get on the right track my minds whack, this shits jacked, insane in the brain and that's a fact i don't care, i smell death in the air, but IM not sure if IM suicidal IM not fine, but each time, i cut my self my face brings a silly smile like its worth my while, people hate my style, thinking IM no good but understand, IM now a man, born on the street's in a rotten hood I feel this is my test, fuck you, fuck life, fuck the rest fuck my community, fuck the people, I am the best but..... i cannot feel blessed, when I am constantly stressed never knowing when ill die, knowing I am close to the edge
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Crhyme Sindicate
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04-26-05, 11:56 PM | #6 | |||
I walk & walk over you
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This was feedback posted for Valor
IP: F8C5 9D25
Word vote up yo.....................................
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.:* Crhyme Sindicate* :.
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04-27-05, 12:05 AM | #7 | ||||
The Paragraph President
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IP: 8D1D 0114
one big thing i noticed is that both of you dont use multis which is an important thing for topicals well i need the normal type of multi but wheres the eternal multis. but this was an close battle both yall flow and stuctures are good emotion is equal. vocab was a bit upped for line but its pretty damn close.
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04-27-05, 12:11 AM | #8 | ||||
in your system
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This was feedback posted for l i n e .
IP: 9E2F CDE8
hmm, interesting battle.....both came out with different angles, which is good.......but HOLY SHIT valor, lol, font was hard on the eyes....nah saying, anyways, this should be a good battle, g'luck both, tomorrow i'll give some decent feedback, my eyes are burning right now......pz
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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04-27-05, 12:55 AM | #9 | ||||||
Bangs like bikini attol
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IP: B422 CA9F
Voted For: Valor
LINE WHAT DID YOU DO?? Your peice was killer right up untill the last few lines..!! I read yours second and I was really feeling the waking up in a cemetary after you die theme, it was dope.. But then right at the end you didnt pull together a good conclusion for your peice, it sort of lost it.. -----_____-------- Both of you need to work on using different bar structures more often to switch up your flow because your lacking in assonance, n multi syllable rhyming sequences.. Plus your flows get choppy at times.. But yeah, Valor got the battle.. Only because he stayed on topic and didnt fall off at the end.. It was a shame line man.. Decent battle tho.. Peace. |
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04-27-05, 02:55 PM | #10 | |||||
Flyweight
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IP: 0A27 3BB1
Quote:
You obviously didn't understand the ending but meh... the whole story was based in a dream, hence the reason for all the fucked up things happening, then the conclusion was waking up and seeing he has nothing ahhwell uppp
__________________
-O.G-
Only way out now...is in a box.
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04-27-05, 10:11 PM | #11 | ||||
A Reflection Of The Past
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IP: 2029 97B3
upping this shit..................................
__________________
Crhyme Sindicate
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04-27-05, 10:38 PM | #12 | |||
I walk & walk over you
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IP: 26B0 7ECA
Uppin............................................. ....
__________________
.:* Crhyme Sindicate* :.
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04-28-05, 01:12 AM | #13 | ||||
A Reflection Of The Past
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IP: 2029 97B3
uppin this for a 2nd time
.............. ......
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Crhyme Sindicate
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04-28-05, 02:00 AM | #14 | |||
leave you rest'n pz's
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IP: 0CC4 EFEF
Voted For: l i n e .
this was a koo read valor, in my opinion a good solid piece, alot of emotion was put into this verse, im surprised it read as well as it did, imagery was ok, you kept to the topic real well, the only thing i didnt quite like about it was the excessive multi's which kinda threw off the verse a bit, only cuz it didnt suit your emotion in the verse, but other then that i thought it was a real good solid read man.good job, props......8/10 . . . huh, your style is quite unique, i gotta admit i was feeling your verse from start to finish, your wording on the first bar was a bit iffy but other then that your vocab, metas, n straight complexity was really good, this was deffinately way more complex then what i was expecting from ya, im impressed,your ending was very original, i liked your approach on this topic,good work, props to ya........8.5/10 . . well, this was damn close, i thought for sure valor had it with the very emotional verse he presented, but the second verse was complex and was a real"thinker"....both had good drops, but in my opinion line was just more creative with his approach on the topic n had more complexity which i liked. . . no hate, your both good writers.....! close one, RTF on me vs solo please....
__________________
i'll play on ya consience, ya contents is complete nonsense
speak of biting, then you fucks flip everyone of my damn concepts what the fuck, was you high..? did you think i wouldn't recognize lines that i made then you come up some bullshit tryna prove that im gay...! . . fake fucks..move on...! |
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04-28-05, 08:20 AM | #15 | ||||
Black Poet
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IP: 2041 AFC0
Voted For: Valor
This was a well close battle, both droped some pretty dope verses,.. Valor come deep,... I felt that he had better flow then lines and really deep emotions. I felt that you could have been a bit more creative with your verse as a whole but I felt that the emotion and image of your verse was more clear then line... Best Bar: but it's to late now, i can't turn back, it's to late to get on the right track my minds whack, this shits jacked, insane in the brain and that's a fact ^Nice bar man pretty decent verse... Line,... Shit man you come well dope as well,... you come a much more creative verse then valor I thought.. Flowed really well but Valor's was more complex with a lot more inners... Vocab wise I felt you both done yourself justice... both come nice but I felt that Valors verse was more emotional and painted a better picture of what was going on.. Very close battle but my vote goes to Valor stay up both 1~ |
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