I on the other hand did not enjoy your "closed in" rhyme scheme.....it sounded choppy to me

IF your commas are in the right place for your pause, then it sounds rigid to me....maybe you could try something with the placement of those to smooth the flow.....

^^^The little things make sense

Content wise this was a good concept, and the ideas were well portrayed. Vocab was tight, and you stayed on topic well.....

Only thing that got me was the flow....