Ok listen...

You have potential which I see because of your flow scheme..
However you must use some vocab...to express yourself more..
and try picking a different unique topic....something very unique...

People hate reading the same concepts...

There were some lines that caugh my eyes a little

"My visions blurry, Ill give up n let the prisons worry,
My heads scrambled I cant make the decisions hurry,"

In away it had a little depth...there were some other lines as well...Just increase your vocab...you will get better practice makes perfect...stay elevating laters...