One of the first things that struck me about this was that the bars were waaaay long. I just plain couldn't catch a flow to it. There were also a lot of very labored images in there. The modeling clay thing, for example, just didn't work. What I did like was that you were trying to bring an intelligent leve to the rhymes lots of literary references and things of that nature. It was a good effort in terms of that. But overall, it was just a little too "all over the place" for me.

Respect regardless.