Veteran
|
IP:
Real deep and emotional piece here...
Didn't really care for the perverse turn it took at the end.
It just made this really good rhyme about standing up for yourself...
Kinda turn into fantasy.
And ugly fantasy at that.
I was vibing with it cuz I been there myself...
Get smacked till ya too big for it.
Or until Pops feels he'll get smacked back.
Totally understand that, man...
I've lived that reality.
But, reality's only in the beginning of ya verse...
The feelings you flowed with were great.
Very deep, vocab was nice, but not ridiculously complex.
Ryhme scheme was doing it's thing, no problem there.
There was meaning to this verse...
And the meaning was dope and deep.
The latter part of ya verse was strictly shock value I thought...
Unless ya actually confessin here on RB that you were fucked by ya dad.
But I seriously doubt ya doing that...
So, I didn't vibe with the end at all because it went from real ta fake.
Not to say it wasn't good, it was, structure, flow...
All that.
But, to me, you made a good inspirational rhyme turn into something pretty sick.
And not "sick" in a good way either.
I'd have stayed with ya original thought process on this...
I feel ya were rolling along, flowing in ya head...
And got stuck on how to close this and walk away from it.
So, ya went away from your own reality, and delved into something that would grab attentions.
Great first part, very questionable ending...
But if ya like tha gory, this rhyme's for you.
Peace
__________________
Merkings will occur Monday thru Friday, 8 am thru 5 pm, C.S.T.
For my convenience, not yours!
|