Thread: Memories
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Old 01-21-04, 04:29 PM   #8
High Class
A King Missing a Queen...
 
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It was a long write, people probably are faggots and are scared to make a long read of something skilled.

- I thought this was pretty good. You had a mind game, and a point at the same time. It all added into the hardships that you went through in the life of that story. I liked the multies, and the word play. I liked the use of vocab, and you kept a good flow through out the most of it. Maybe, just fix up the structure a little bit. That was the only thing I found as a problem. It didnt effect the verses though, so dont worry about that. Last but not least... You had a nice rhyme scheme, it carried this out very well. I like how you used that... Nice work hommie... I say 8 / 10


I Must Confess, Writing Erased Stress N Replaced It With A Feeling
Of Appealing To Everyone Through My Words
. . . But Sometimes The Pen's Bleeding


^ That was my favorite line, it had a good personal aspect... Nice one ^
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