IP:
this was aight...i'll adress each personally
Allegory- your verse was ok..the flow wasnt always on point here..some the of the wordage in here coulda been more complex to enhance some of the imagery..still the simpleness of this verse is directly in comparison to the sweet delicasy and simplicity that is childhood..so in all said..nice verse man keep droppin...
Jacent-nice verse to..the flow was also off on this seemed to me..i think you brought up some memories from my own self which in turn made me go back to think of what you were saying..the grandpa point was very true...and part of the reason i liked this is because you brought out that stereotype that most people define in living in a rough area...also that castle in ur backyard thing...yes...relates alot for every child considers this backyard the domain in which they can express their own selves and view on whatever they feel..all that to say....nice verse....
-Daz
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