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Flyweight
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IP:
Flow was pretty good - it seemed to go right with the way you would tell a bed-time story. I got'ta say that I noticed quite a few awkwardly phrased lines - I think this is the thing you should work on most. I think the piece was pretty nice overall but maybe if you switched the order of a few lines it would set the contradictions of his personality off more. Summary pretty much is: concept good - execute a little better. Interesting read though and I'll check out the next.
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