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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-11-04, 10:07 PM
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#1
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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....Dead..To..Live....
IP: CF61 4449
Part One To Another Two Part Story Brough To You By _-SyaNidal-_ This Is A Story... About A Man Whos Dead To Live, A Person Who Does Not Care, Yet He Loves And Gives, And As I Tell his Story I'd Like It Quiet So You Can Hear, The Begining Is Now Near, Let Me Kick This Tale In Gear, You May Have Heard A Rumor... This Is The True Version, A Story About A Man, His Life's Adventures And Excursions, So Take Your Seats And Listen, As I Initiate The Tale Of He, The Chronicle Of This Man...I'll Introduce After This Story, Once Upon A Time... A Man From Our Present Day, An Excellent Emcee, Had Many Losses In His Way, This Man Had Many Wins, Yet He Lacked Alot Of Skill, He Just Couldn't Spit Good, He Could Never Thrill-, Anyone In The Crowd, He Just Never Could Spit Fire, His Place Of Recognition, Some Say He Should Retire... He Resides From Hell, We All Know This Place Underground, He Always Spent His Time... Playing With And Feeding Hellish Hounds, Dogs That Lived On hellish Mounds, They Were Just So Vile, A Man Who Hated Everything... But Saw These Hounds And Smiled, This Man He Was Not Ill, He Just Could Not Spit Heat, Yet Freezes Everything He Touches, And Everyone He Greets, Redecorating Hell So That Everything Is Ice Or Frozen, Pissing Off Lucifer, While Satan The New Devil is Being Chosen, This Man Of Ice Nobody Knows Him, Yet They Slice Away His Heart, Every Movement That This Man Makes, Causes Him To Fall Apart, A Man Whos Heart Hates All, Yet His Mind Just Loves To Care, His Heart Of Ice Steals Things, While His Mind Tells Him To Share, He Doesn't No What To Do Now, While He Mourns Himself, His Death Effects His Family, Satan's Booting Him From Hell, When He Comes To Our World He'll Be Sharing Our Air, Breathing In Toxics And Soon He'll Begin To Care, He Will Notice How People Say Things And Are UnCautious, This Man Used To Care He Used To Live Here, Now He Is Nautious, This World Was His Playground, Now It's Just Like A Prison, Trying To Change It Back To Good, With Lethal Incisions, He Will Make Our Planet Worse, Until The Lands Start To Erode, Ships Sinkin Like The Titanic, Signaling Out In Moris Code, This Man Will Save Our Lives Then Wrack Our Souls With Pain, In His World Were Dice, Were Just A Little Part Of The Game, If We Endure Him Good Numbers Then He Loves Us Like His Kids, Give Him Numbers He Does Not Want An He'll Slit Your Wrists, The Caring Side Of This Man Will Enter Our Realm With Wisdom, Saving Lives And Helping People, Making Evil Fizzle, Adopting Kids, And Buying Pets This Man Cuddles The Earth, But When This Clock Strikes Twelve His Evilness Reverts, He's Coming Back To Our World... Where He Will Make His Reign, Taking Over Countrys... Like France, Europe, Asia, And Spain, This Person All Alone Will Try To Destroy Us All With Effort, Commiting Suicide Quickly, Would Make You Commense Less-Hurt, When This Ruler Comes, You May Approach With Caution, Caus' Even If Police Found Him, They Still Had Never Caught Him, Satan Could Not Controll Him, And Heaven Just Said No, So Earth Will Me Hell-Razed, Or Should I Say... Covered In Snow.... This Man Is Just Dead To Live, And He Will Start To Skin Youth, To Find The Ending Of This Story...This Tale Is To Be Continued....
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_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II....  _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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02-11-04, 10:15 PM
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#2
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Still Sick
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IP: 6B57 983B
huh?...I didnt understand none of this shit..I dont understand what any of it mean..good vocab though..the story could have been more clear, because Im confused, but..it all flowed well..I cant say good peice..but I can say good effort.
check out Oliver and I's peice called, Was that your aim?..thanks..
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R.I.P. Bodie Pay Homage To The Best
If you think you better than holla! |
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02-11-04, 10:17 PM
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#3
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
okay basically this is a story...
Its about a guy who died and went to hell... eventually he wus so caring hellf roze over and satan kicked him out and god wouldnt take him so hes now on earth at first he trys to fix the earth and keep it clean and carign n shit then he starts to pollute it and destroy everything and take power of all man... he has a good and bad side basically white-good red-bad blue-intro to the story
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_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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02-11-04, 11:57 PM
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#4
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
uppin
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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02-12-04, 04:04 PM
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#5
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
uppizzle...
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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02-12-04, 05:30 PM
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#6
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Flyweight
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IP: C1DA C961
Flow was pretty good - it seemed to go right with the way you would tell a bed-time story. I got'ta say that I noticed quite a few awkwardly phrased lines - I think this is the thing you should work on most. I think the piece was pretty nice overall but maybe if you switched the order of a few lines it would set the contradictions of his personality off more. Summary pretty much is: concept good - execute a little better. Interesting read though and I'll check out the next.
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02-12-04, 06:16 PM
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#7
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New to RB
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IP: 202C A952
This nice...i got into it... but got damnit.... i wanna know the fucking ending... your fuckin wit peeps mind an ish... but is mad nice... fuck wit shyt dunny... i like the whole Heavon~Earth~Hell theme... nice dunny... keep doin it... Yep
Peep out my ish... H.E.l.l. its nice... do sleep ... Yep Caesar - on3
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~Sitting In Elevation Position~ Free Agent Just A Sick Newbie Murked - Lust Lost - None |
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02-12-04, 06:31 PM
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#8
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New to RB
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IP: C1DA C961
I must admit it was a intresting story, worth the reading mad props keep em coming
its the sharks |
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02-12-04, 09:31 PM
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#9
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
up up..
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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02-12-04, 09:31 PM
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#10
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New to RB
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IP: DC2D 7924
let me guess.....you listen to nas don't you. I try to guess two things when judging a rapper. Can they rap what they write and who they listen to. You can rap this because it flows when anyone reads it and that takes skill. I think it means you rapped before you wrote.
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Biggie was always better than Pac, ready to die vs tupacolypse now which was better |
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02-12-04, 09:41 PM
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#11
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
I dont listen to nas...
I Know I Can was my favorite song like last year for a short while... ive only heard a few songs by nas... No i didnt rap THIS before I wrote it ive rapped before I wrote but not this exact... And all I do isgo over it after I type it n see if it flows it usally doe so Im fine all my stuff i usally edit like little words into some spots if it flows better but for the most part i dont edit anything i jsut go with what i think would be good on the topic uppin
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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02-13-04, 01:36 PM
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#12
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
Uppin
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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02-14-04, 03:19 PM
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#13
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
some more feed on this leave a link ill hit it...
_-SyaNidal-_...Out
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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02-14-04, 04:45 PM
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#14
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: A560 AB42
aight....
i get it so far...before reading the second part... which i will...i cant tell you whether i like it or not until i read the second part...as for now.. it seems kinda basic..in order for me to say...Damn!.. the story will have to unfold with a crazy twist.. the narration here kinda bored me...it needs to be a little more interesting...but like i said... i need to read part 2...peace.... interesting |
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02-14-04, 06:06 PM
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#15
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
like you said second didnt do to great I might rewrite it....
thanks uppin/\
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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