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Old 02-15-04, 10:56 PM   #3
SMZ
Flyweight
 
Posts: 102
From: Charleston, SC
IP:

ok - needs some structural work but some nice rhymes. Good vocab level. Pretty good intro piece - liked:
"A scientific genius, takes a genetically enhanced fetus/
To a secret lab, to breed it with an unknown creed of genus"
but thought you needed to work on lines like:
"Rendering opponents unconscious/
Each victory allowed me to reach the end of the evolutionary process//"
keep writing - hit something in my sig - preferably Broken Metamorphosis if you haven't yet.
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