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Old 02-15-04, 10:02 PM   #1
ORION
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Exclamation The Odyssey of ORION

IP: EC0B 84C7

Imagine traveling to far away galaxies/
And interplanetary pathways to alternate realities//
Imagine witnessing the creation of a star/
The start of blue-green nebular and triangular quasars//
Interstellar spacecraft/
Many different, metal mechanisms, that attach, rotate and de-attach//
Accurate lazers blast asteroids into space dust,/
Advanced androids circulate synthetic fake blood//
Humanoid machines/
Conversate with aliens that originate from the outer regions//
Baron landscapes on planets without gravity, and annual artic seasons//
Speaking in languages that have unexplained meanings//
Aliens on they knees, praying to an alien Jesus/
Reading holographic bibles, inside flying cathedrals//
A scientific genius, takes a genetically enhanced fetus/
To a secret lab, to breed it with an unknown creed of genus//
After many failed attempts to create a new form of species/
He creates me, a neo-mutant emcee eating demon//
Professional, expert at unfolding polyhedrons/
An evil spectre, that is speechless, with no facial features, //
Phenotype tests reached completion, I was placed in the Lake of Geneva/
And told I would be released when the year 3000 A.D. comes//
I was kept in a translucent glass container/
Locked away safe, in chryo stasis, and labeled dangerous//
But I was awake the whole time, unable to move my arms and legs, and/
So many centuries passed I forgot what my age was//
The only form of entertainment, was a gray screen/
That displayed digits, which represented my physical status//
I stayed there, placed in my chamber, interpreting data/
Writing lyrics on invisible, sub-mental pages//
Until I was able to break free from containment/
I escaped by levitating passed the planets gravitational wavelengths//
I Travled until I discovered a metallic space station/
Where I learned the ways, and trained with intergalactic space rangers//
We became the strongest team of assassination/
Entering battle armored with titanium chest plates and bangles//
Lazer-sharpened sabers, with sacred incantations/
Engraved sideways along the blade, but its forbidden for me to say them//
I would throw stainless steel razors from my ankle/
Obliterating the Agents that came from many different angles//
Everyday I increased my speed and agility,
Eventually, I was a master of supernatural abilities//
I would lift objects mentally/
I would attack with telepathic suggestions, and blast red kinetic energy//
A mysterious being, speaking in metaphors and similes/
With regenerative skin, that heals deep scars and injuries//
Rendering opponents unconscious/
Each victory allowed me to reach the end of the evolutionary process//
The body was merged with, divine knowledge and it hurt but/
It was all part of my conversion to Emcee-Nocturnis//
One million light years away from The Earth’s surface/
Hibernating at hyper-velocity, with nightmares of imperfect verses//
A brain capacity as expansive, as The Universe is/
I contemplate on unleashing the most Merciless raps that anyone has ever heard of//
The first planet, I surge past is/
Mercury, a burnt granite, dirt rock plastered with purple ashes//
Bursting out of volcanic ashes/
Venus was a green Earth-like circle, Permeated by inert nerve gasses//
Sea-serpents, submerged in underwater currents/
Emerge from oceans and swerve across the firmament//
The final page of my journey back to Earth turns/
As my space module crashes into the dirt and burns//
Hazel colored smoke hangs above the crater/
Made by the rectangular shape of the space tanker//
In it lies my carcass entangled in cables/
I fade in and out, Painfully I open my eyes and begin to wake up//
I receive static from the space station/
On the cosmic radio, as gamma ray wave communication breaks up//
The anger inside changes my bio-chemical make up/
While I make major Repairs to my five cybernetic chain guns//
Then I set out to vanquish, all the glitches in The Matrix/
Anxiously awaiting to exact revenge against The Nation…
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Old 02-15-04, 10:48 PM   #2
Vokal Rights
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Fuck, that was long...i liked the way you kept on the subject...good rhymes, nice flow, "On the cosmic radio, as gamma ray wave communication breaks up//
The anger inside changes my bio-chemical make up/
While I make major Repairs to my five cybernetic chain guns//
Then I set out to vanquish, all the glitches in The Matrix/" that was heavy...overall it was tight but the words seemed forced if ya get me...it was confusing, but you could make it less confusing by adding a chorus...good story though...i say 8.5/10.
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Old 02-15-04, 10:56 PM   #3
SMZ
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ok - needs some structural work but some nice rhymes. Good vocab level. Pretty good intro piece - liked:
"A scientific genius, takes a genetically enhanced fetus/
To a secret lab, to breed it with an unknown creed of genus"
but thought you needed to work on lines like:
"Rendering opponents unconscious/
Each victory allowed me to reach the end of the evolutionary process//"
keep writing - hit something in my sig - preferably Broken Metamorphosis if you haven't yet.
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Old 02-15-04, 11:57 PM   #4
Menik
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Yeah this was alright.....kinda long lol....i agree with SMZ it needs some work on the structure....the flow in this was pretty good, it stayed on point through out the piece....you had good vocab in this....ovearall a alright piece...keep at it.
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Old 02-16-04, 01:08 AM   #5
ORION
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thank you for your feedback...lets keep it comin..
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Old 02-16-04, 01:21 AM   #6
UNDEAD
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Good shit seriously really long but fun to read and didnt stale hope you battle as well as you freestyle good flow goin on. and good lyrics.

Please vote on this battle i only need three votes to win but please vote honestly.

BlackGrenade VS ShortY
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Old 02-16-04, 07:30 PM   #7
ORION
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when it comes to the structure...thats just my style..i dont believe in always making every line of every bar the exact amount of syllables....i spit kinda fast so im able to stay on beat with the long lines...thats why i use alot of similar sounding words to link it all up...(but yeah..sometimes i do try to say too much)
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Last edited by ORION : 02-16-04 at 07:45 PM.
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Old 02-16-04, 07:35 PM   #8
Eki
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nice shit man.. the first bit was ill as shit.. if you structure was a bit better.. wow ... I dunno why i loved this pice.. All prop to u man
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Old 02-17-04, 05:52 PM   #9
ORION
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thanks man.......i couldnt agree with you more...naw just playin....^^^^^^^^up one more time^^^^^^^^^
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Old 02-18-04, 01:16 AM   #10
TiLLEyEDiE
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hey nice shit man.. stretched as fuck tho.. work on ya structure.. but besides that this shit is ill.. looks good orion really.. i think you showed tru emotion and thats what this shit is all about.. getin shit off ya chest.. good shit.. hit mines up
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=114649
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