ok bar by bar breakdown....
ill spit my first line then send you to bed/
after my 2nd line you gana wish u wre dead/
weak punch...every1 always says ur gonna wish u were dead...2/10
then come #'s 3 and 4/ ur the type of bitch to go out the back/
when i come in the front door/
ZzZzZ...boring...1/10
this is an auction dog and you ant got no money for biddin/
thinkin u could beat me,
who the fuck were u kiddin/
Not a good punch...boring...2/10
wit a name like Sten. Cell.
I shouldn't have battled you/
just grabed u up and broke ur fucking back like a Pen. Cell.
HORRIBLE PERSONAL....0/10
Verse Score...
5/40
ok...work on everything...u need to use personals (correctly)....need to not stretch ya bars....use direct punches....elevate is all i can say....
See Wats Sad Is This Kids' Raps Seems Padded.../
Cause I Sleep On His White Sheets Like A Craft-Matic/
nice punch...good opener...8/10
Ya Raps' Had It,I Drop "Dope Lines" Like A Bad Habit/
Brains You Lack Kid,YaCents Is Owed Like God Tabbed-It/
Nice multi's and a hard hitting punch...like this line fasho...9/10
Im Dis-Carding Your Gestures Cause I Fear No Jokes/
He Strokes & Blows Off Cam Like Breaks In "Queer As Folk"/
Nice punch and meta....7/10
Off Hand I Of-tan Cough And Blow Thru This Kid's Tissues/
So Ill Stop His Bad Writtens Like Cancelled Magazine Issues/
Nice closer....good punch....8/10
Verse Score....
32/40
ok it was clear u were better n had the better verse....keep elevatin...no real advice jus suggest ya fix dat structure...."/"'s make u look like a newbie...
return the favor....
http://community.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?t=119160