To me that resembled more of a 'Poem' ... but Still had OM quilities:

-Wordplay: Semi-complex, 7/10
-Story Line: Well Written...Smooth imagery overall. 8/10
-Theme: Not very Original, but personally, by throwing in musical grammar you saved it (just spiced things up a bit for the reader) 7/10
-Structure: Good. 8/10
-Flow: Scetchy in Places, but over all it was well done. 8/10
"Player like none other, getting ass in mounds
But these monotonous actions create monotone sounds"
-^^ Nice Opener...got my attention Sparked. 8/10
"Alone for all time, the man cursed nightly whoever said silence is golden
Until the day it drew close......

............................*BANG*................ ..................
The silence was broken"
-^^ For me... that made the whole peice. Without that closer this peice was just another sad story; this Opened up my eyes when I read it. Great Closing bars. 9/10

Overall: Well writtin peice, Like I said its a topic thats done alot..but you did a nice job with it regardless, I think that would do good in the poetry section as well, though. 8/10

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Blow It - Topical