not bad but instead of running multi's like a run on sentence try rewording them better so the don't go so long...that will help your flow n structure....that last line would prolly kill ya..lol..check these out...don't vote if ya don't understand..leave feedback if ya'd like..i suggest the topical..its a good read..
http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=139167
topical:200 posts
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=137724
me vs 650
http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=138106
me vs sten.cell
http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=138359
me vs gran..chi