honestly,,you need some work it was'nt terrible but your style is kinda weak,only cause of your ryme scheme though..you double up 2 often n some of it jus don't sound good...jus try n spit it you'll see what i mean bout it not sounding right...work on your structure n get some puntuation in your verse cause that helps the reader understand how its supposed ta flow....no hate yo,its jus my opinion...