I think this is nice in places but you got areas where you could improve... Im feeling the concept, it was quite deep and you displayed your skills on wordplay, similes especially come clean... The style was different, a lot of internal rhymes, sometimes it got hard to follow due to that and multies could be used more to give some rhythm... The wordplay was iLL, thats already been stated, but use it to your advantage, use metaphors for deepness and punches for being comic etc, and try work on getting some power through wordplay, cos thats one thing you need... Vocab was iLL, that was one thing that I thought you got quite on point, I think you got madd potential and madd skill... If you wanna collab or cipher, add me on AIM - emceerhetorix or MSN - smooth_mc@hotmail.com... Keep dropping and elevate, this is some nice work here...

Peez...