This is nice, a well explored and developed concept... Good ideas that come across and you pushed your points... The rhyme scheme was sturdy, some more internal rhymes coulda sharpened up your sometimes choppiness... Nice wordplay, thats what stood out for me, some lines were well incorporated with metaphors and similes... Liked that, that helped with the powerful lines... Yeh vocab does need to be upped slightly, I liked it though, you kept a good balance... Keep spitting and elevating...

Peez...