This was ok.. started off strong-ish but died in the last.
You do have a kinda knack for flow but you need to choose
your wording. Elixer line was coo and fit well into the context of it.
But why did you let it slip?
Writing isn't all about extensive vocab', its about finding a flow
which is hard anyways in text as each individual creates a flow.
But stick at it and try to outline the meaning of the story..
instead of rhyming..
to do this audio would be fine..
But peeps take time to read and extract bits to critique.
Good read tho.

-1

__________________

"Woop Woop, its the sound of da police"