Quote:
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Originally Posted by G_$peed
Verse 2
Monique your in all my heaven love dreamz...
I think you could love me but nuttin is as it seemz...
Don't let your song make her think it won't work...
But i wont give up my love for you NEVER...
I want us to stay together for ever and ever...
Too simple, 'nuff said...
When it comez to bueaty all otherz surrender...
Nuttin is more fair than you girl you the finest...
When i rhyme to you itz all me bein honest...
You say i'm super cool and funny az hell thanx...
Well at least i kno i'm in the damn rankz...
When it comes to me and you hate dont appear...
Baby believe me my love for you is so sincere...
When i see you the path to paradise is so clear...
Switchin' up your style a lil' bit I see. But this is a love song, so only do it if it's necessary, because if you put effort into that and she doesn't appreciate it then it was a waste.
I want you to come to paradise wit me in the sky...
All my friendz and even yourz say i'm the right guy...
Don't bring in dying with her, revives that obsessive nature I mentioned in the first part...
Gansta will be gone if you want anything...
I'll control my rage hardly ever throw swingz...
If or when i git wit you nuttin will ever be the same...
Right now i'm so vulnerable and in so much pain...
You're trying to win her heart, so make it seem like you're more self-confident than this.
With out you life suckz itz way too plain...(Fo Real)
Yo baby its time to take control of me wit ur power...
Bueaty conquerz all rest of the girlz cower...
I dont kno how my heart gets these desires...
Dont worrry never fear my love for you wont expire...
I alwayz think of you...
Girl can i getta clue...
Ok the closer needs to be the strongest point, it needs to be witty and meaningful, but while staying in the obvious boundaries of writing a love song...
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So those are my thoughts. I got a piece from a while back that might help you out with how to do this properly. Although, it's kinda more of a story than an actual love song, but it might help -
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=139258
It's been dead for quite some time, so I'm not saying you should drop feedback, but if you feel a need to revive it, go right ahead. Peace.
P.S - Do I think it'll win her heart? I'll holla after you've made changes, if you decide to do so...