hmm....fix your structure make your lines like this
........
.........
.......
........
dont just jumble them all together its harder to read....get rid of the// and use ... it looks better...you had okay flow thats about it....you need to elevate and get better wordplay.....refrain from usin the word nigga to much in ya verses....make ur lines longer....think out punchlines..i notice your new but im just tryin to help any way i can....hit me up threw aim if you wana learn nething else....the aim name is in my profile..just click my name(streetryda) and the view profile...then there ya go....no hate tho just helpin ya out is all.....it was not to shabby for a newb freestyle...
peace~1

__________________

.:Retired:.