|
Ya mom massages my nuts
|
This was feedback posted for MiSta_AuTh3nTiQ
IP:
your topical wa spoorly woreded..you gotta let the story develop...you wa sjust jumping from scene to scene without painting a picture of whats going on...an u was using simile's( the like arnold & all dat stuff) as if this was a battle..its not a battle u suppose to be telling the story..those similies broke the flow of the story an killed any chance of your flashbacks making complete sense...but despite its flaws it wasn't all bad...had nice flow, decent vocab, an fair structure
__________________
Haters spend all they time hating on another's life
Then wonder why when presenting there's to others...no one looks twice
Because at the end of the day, you get what you give
So, when you consumed with his...don't get mad when everyone else is
|