i like this.. u have a different flow then most ppl which is definitly a plus, (no one wants to be the same).. your vocab was ok..
nd this was prolly my favorite line:

Reputation tarnished, boots worn, heroism on this occasion failed to born.
As fellow riders of our cause, the one we were fighting for, mutilated & torn.

you could work on your structure a little more.. but over all id give you a 7.5/10

keep up the work.. love to see more