http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=177218

1.Feelings flooding intellect, brain suddenly in direct
Thus collect the jigsaw pieces that my life dissect
Wrecked but yet a hope prevails in a certain distance
This one girls existence encourages a stern resistance
(nice multi's an good vocab...sorta computerized pattern..but nice..I like the metaphors..still a little structure wouldve made a diff. but I feel this line..keep tha hope alive along with ur women..)

2.For instance an addiction, true story turned fiction
Anatomy plagued by drugs now involved in eviction
Friction of relationship, thoughts position station wit
Ovation sits as mind considers that her patience slips
(oh shit...this right here is sum real emotional lines...I like tha whole feelin ta this ..good multis..fie ass storyline!!..like a lil motion pic in words..short story...I give this"best line in ur verse" award!!)

3.Educational opportunity, a chance that confuses me
Key to a future, a commanding choice that abuses me
Materialistic life with power to challenge the above
Or struggle & strife, shared with a girl that you love
(Near perfect reflection ta tha last line..but tha 3rd line was a lil bit 2 much over tha top..but still the rest flowed smoothly.)

4.Result to a dice, fate before my pride asks for advice
Success comes at a price, importance of this sacrifice
A painful decision, tears of joy? an emotional collision
Vision an empty life of waste, heart caged in prison
(sorta rolled away from tha last few lines but I like tha message!)

5.As I stand with mail, crooked shoulders tells a tale
Mental exhaustion, looking frail, application to unveil
Hearts ratio, pace greater, deposit letter in waste paper
A sacrifice for success? yes, to see that face later
(went hay wire on tha last few bars but still effective ending..I like tha face later part..but still sounded a lil forced.)

overall-8.9
why?-tha flow is a lil nervous and tha structure couldve been better!!
but,still outstanding story ta read...keep doin it,elevate ta that level killah!!


ColdStiLL.....
holla at me with sum feed back....1....HAH!!!