this was a good piece but it had its good and bad parts of it i think

it had good imagery because of the vocab you put to describe things but i think you relied way too much on vocab...it cut off the emotion and it felt like there wasnt any emotion in the piece at all...it was just a bunch of big words expressing imagery

^thats good but i think emotion is more important...connecting with the reader will get you the vote more then making them see what your talking about in my case...but you did really really good on your multies because of the vocab...it works good and bad, bad because it loses the emotion and good because it brings out better imagery and multies...but thats where you gotta find out where to place the vocab in certain points so that you could have emotion,imagery, and multies all rolled into one...and when that happens your most likely gonna get the win unless your opponent has more descriptions and shit like that but overall good piece keep it up

return the favor in sig, "sacrifice for success" (yea same topic)
peace

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